


Pop Your Heat Sink

by PurpleDragoness



Series: Mass Effect [3]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Developing Relationship, F/M, Friends to Lovers, One Shot Collection, Renegade Commander Shepard
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-28
Updated: 2016-06-27
Packaged: 2018-02-15 05:02:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 28,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2216736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PurpleDragoness/pseuds/PurpleDragoness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of one-shots following the development of the relationship, as interpreted through my playthroughs as renegade Shepard. "We have a lot of catching up to do" indeed... Range between SFW and NSFW. The later WILL be explicit. Part of my Mass Effect collection.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_“You two would make such a cute couple.”_

I wasn’t sure what to say, and instead set our course for Illium, a day’s trek from Omega. I hadn’t really thought of that possibility. There isn’t much time for thought when you’re dead.

Once Joker disembarked from Omega, I decided to do my rounds. I entered the cockpit first.

“What are your thoughts on the new crew?” I asked.

“Glad to see Garrus took that stick out of his butt, but now he’s beating people to death with it. Never thought I’d like the old Garrus better.”

I smirked. “Don’t let him hear that.”

“Yeah, wouldn’t want his ass-stick aimed at me.”

“Officer Vakarian seems to be absorbed in the main battery, Commander,” EDI announced. Not surprising. I supposed working on the ship’s weapons systems were more to his liking than maintenance on the damned Mako. But it wouldn't hurt to check on him. I wasn't sure if he should be left alone or not for now..

“Wait, you can see what he’s doing?” Joker asked. “I thought your visuals were only on the cockpit.”

“No. I am visually aware of all areas of the ship. And you should be ashamed of yourself, Mr. Moreau.”

Joker visibly shrank in his chair.

The two would get along. Eventually. “I’ll check on him. Try to keep your visuals out of crew quarters from now on, EDI.”

“Understood, Commander. I have limited my visuals to active areas of the ship. Your quarters and the crew’s have been offlined.”

I distinctly heard a mutter of “Too little, too late,” from the helmsman. I chuckled and left them alone again. I took the elevator down a floor, tapping my foot impatiently at the speed. You would figure they would have at least upgraded the damned elevators. I stepped off and headed for the main battery, waving in passing to Rupert.

_“Hey Rupert, you put in more food this time and less ass.”_

I snorted as he shook off the teasing. I stood in front of the doors as they opened, revealing the broad barrel of his back. Just as EDI said, he was so poured over his work he didn’t even notice my entrance. “Hey.”

He visibly startled and turned around. “Shepard. Spirits, I was just operated on. Let my heart calm down for more than a few hours.”

I grinned as he let out a heavy chuckle. “Where’s the fun in that?” I crossed my arms and nodded to the terminal. “Have any upgrades for the Normandy I should know about?”

“I have a general idea. I’ll need to see if the ship could hold them.”

“What is it?”

“Turian-grade cannons. The Thanix series. They were made available just a few weeks ago. But I’ve been tracking its progress over the months it’s been in development.”

“In that case, wouldn’t you have figured out the specifications by now? EDI said you’ve been at this since I checked up on you after your face blew up.”

He gave his heavy chuckle again, and my smirk faltered. I hadn’t noticed the subtle growl to it before. “Spying on me now, Shepard? I thought you’d trust me more than those Cerberus clowns.”

“I do.” I sat on the crates to the right of his terminal. “Look around. Who else is here from our mission?”

“Besides Karin and Joker?” He hummed in amusement. My arms prickled in response. “I see your point. What else was I going to do? Stay trapped and fighting, or trust you?” His own arms crossed. “You did more for me in that short time than anyone had my whole life. You didn’t give a damn how I did my job, our job. The only thing that mattered was it was done. You let me have the satisfaction of killing the doctor. You’re supporting my wishes to kill Sidonis.” He leaned against the terminal, my eyes darting to his narrow hips. I was suddenly fascinated by the shape of his armor. My eyes flicked back to his just as quickly as they left. “You’ve trusted me to do what I've had to so far. You know how extensive I dig.”

He was the only one so far willing to not question me, one willing to follow me to our possible deaths. I let out a soft laugh. “I couldn’t let your sorry ass be killed by some lame merc. I needed your skills to save my own sorry ass.”

I could see his grin show through his eyes. “I’ve had your six from the start.”

“You just like seeing my ass, don’t you?”

“Not like it’s my fault if it happens to come into view of my scope every once in a while.”

This time, my gut was the one to prick. The growl was back, the source coming from his subharmonics. I had been so used to talking to him two years ago, so comfortable around him, I never noticed… “I thought I felt a round or two hit there as I shot a merc.”

“You make an easy target.” He held out a hand to help me off the crates. I took it, feeling a sharp shock flash for a nanosecond. Once I stood, he tilted his head, reminding me more of a bird than anything. “The scars are new. I can only recall one from two years ago. And those didn’t glow.” His eyes narrowed and his voice went quiet. “Your eyes too. What did they do to you?”

I tried to smile, only able to give half of one. “Gave me another chance to stop our extinction.” I touched the left side of my scars. “Cybernetics. Jacob said I wasn’t much more than—More than…” My stomach gave a small lurch. Anxiety quickly followed it. “My temper aggravates them. Makes them worse. My eyes as well. Each time I return from a mission, they lose their color. Karin thinks if I do more good deeds they’ll go away but fat chance of that.” I stepped away, feeling the anxiety rear higher.

“We both know that won’t happen.”

“I’ve been getting better at it.”

He gave a lighter laugh than before, as if some weight had been taken from him. “Shepard, don’t beat yourself up over your choices. You may have stuck to your ruthless path, but you have shown a bit of heroic acts as well. They’re just small and rare. All races are selfish.” My nerves calmed down as something else started showing in his subharmonics. “If you give and give, they will take advantage of that. They will think of you as a tool. Someone willing to bend over backwards for a stranger. You are showing you are not only human, but you are someone who will not hesitate to do only what is deemed necessary.”

He was right. There wasn’t anything wrong with my choices. I did give back just as much as I mouthed off. I just tended to make more waves with mouthing off. I noticed his eyes focused on me, almost uncertain. My heart sped up, though this time not from the anxiety. I hadn’t thought about that blue in a very long time… “Going sweet on your CO, Vakarian?”

He snorted, making me grin. “I thought friends complimented each other on Earth.”

“We do. I’m only teasing. Something friends do there as well.” I remembered Kelly’s words and a laugh escaped my lips.

“Something amusing?”

“Kelly had commented that we’d make, ‘such a cute couple’,” I mocked, clasping my hands in a mimic of swooning.

His demeanor seemed to shift. His laugh went almost… nervous. “Yeah, right. A human Spectre and a turian renegade.” He shook his head. “She means well. She thinks I’m lonely. I’m fine, so long as I have something to work on.” He returned his attention to the terminal. “I should get back to these calibrations. I’m making a few algorithms to enhance the targeting systems. I’ll do more research into the Thanix cannons and ping you with the specs.”

All of the strange, warm pricks turned to ice. My mood fell as his voice went flat, nearly strained. “Yeah, I’ll let you work.”

I took a few steps before a low rumble of my name broke the silence. I turned back to him. "What about the other thing? What I have to do?"

He met my gaze. I felt a slight singe from the cybernetics. "Do what you have to do. I've never known you to be wrong before. If you say this guy needs to be dead, I trust your reasoning. Duty before anything else, isn't it?"

He let out a breath I took for a laugh. "Yeah. Exactly."

"Then consider him dead on sight."

"Thank you, Shepard."

I stepped out of the main battery, letting the door close behind me. When I looked back, the lock had turned red. Now that was a trait I knew was not him. I took the elevator to the fourth deck, slipping into Zaeed’s quarters. Luckily the merc must have been upstairs in the bathroom, leaving me alone with the equipment. It was wrong, and I should have just left it alone, but… The impulsive reactions his mere words would bring made me worry. I flipped through the surveillance, falling on the main battery. He was leaned over the console, fingers not moving. His visor sat next to him on the terminal. As I was about to turn off the video, I saw his armor shake. I looked to the visor and narrowed my eyes. I leaned in, seeing engravings in the thin strip. I used the controls to zoom in. Initials had been carved in to the metal. I knew enough of the turian language to decipher that. My breath caught in my throat as I followed the script closer to his scope.

I turned off the equipment and slipped upstairs to my cabin before Zaeed could find me.

I laid in my bed, head near the end so I could gaze up into the void that had claimed me once. I had a hand to my chest, feeling my heart as it fought to decide what it was beating rapidly for.

Closest to his scope, J.S. had been carved before all the others.


	2. Eye for an Eye: Mission Complete

He retreated to the shadows, making himself scarce before the crack of the shot had faded. I left myself. Too many witnesses. It was a good thing I was still considered a ghost to many.

“You really let me do it…”

I looked to my left as he joined me, never breaking stride as we went to meet Kasumi by the rapid transport. “Of course I did. For once, someone did need a hole in the head. Why, did you have your doubts?”

“You’ve been dead and in Cerberus hands for two years. I still wasn’t sure if it really was all you.”

“And now you’re convinced?”

“Your old self is the only one I know who would not fight me on this.” He shifted his rifle over his shoulder. I didn’t let on that I noticed it was the HMWSR I had given him two years ago.

“You’re saying you didn’t trust me. You lied then.”

“I was cautious. Genetic modification is terrifying these days. Wouldn’t you reserve your judgment if you were me?”

I stayed silent, keeping my focus ahead. His stride same closer to mine, and I wasn’t sure who had been the one to get closer. My heart began to race.

“I’ll take your silence as a yes. I know it’s you for sure now.”

“You and I both know he would have slipped through the cracks. His crimes were on Omega. He would have been turned free.”

He chuckled, sending a trickle down my spine. “There are no doubts to that.” Kasumi pulled alongside us as we approached the transit. He put his hand on my shoulder. “I’ll follow you into Hell, Shepard. You have my full trust.”

He may as well had touched my bare skin, something that was becoming a stubborn, persistent thought. “Any time you need me, I’ll be there. Through Hell and high waters.”

The cruiser opened to let us in. “Seems I owe you a favor now.”

“Stop staring at my ass through your scope and we’ll call it even.”

“Ah, but I’ve sniped quite a few mercs who have tried to sneak up on you that way.”

“Come on you two,” Kasumi said from the car. “There are a few books on my shelves waiting for me, you know. You can play goo-goo eyes on the ship.’

 

* * *

 

I sat at my desk, legs crossed over the surface. Jexton, the little space hamster I had adopted on the Citadel, scurried over whatever paths my hands made for him. I pressed my tongue to my front teeth and sucked in thought, a subconscious action I had developed in childhood. My gaze was occupied on my model ships, my collection slowly growing the more places we visited. More specifically, it was kept on a model of the _Normandy SR-1_.

Everything was easier then. The mission was top priority. Whoever wanted to assist gave what they could. Ashley gave her life to do it. And I had gained, for the first time, friends. Something more than the relationships the Reds gave me before I focused on the military and eventually the N7 position. And now… everyone had something they needed done. Never once could I just ask someone to do something and they would do it without demands. What a pain in the ass.

By not having to run errands for everyone two years ago, I only grew close to those that mattered. I did give them all equal time to make their impressions, but never to this extent. Only Garrus provided much entertainment in his conversations. At least he didn’t hit on me, or speak of aliens as trash. Or talk about the genophage and mercenary life. Or bore me to death with engine specs (no offense to Tali, I grew to value her, I’m just not that interested in the engines). I mean, growing organs inside your followers to harvest them later, that’s as gruesome and interesting as they get.

He told me of missions from the past, things he had seen in his life. I learned he was actually a little younger than me. I gave him something I hadn’t given anyone before. Full, undisclosed information of the story of Torfan. Things I had kept off record. I trusted him to keep the information to himself. He was much like me. Fed up with liars and backstabbings in C-Sec. In everyone. I guess in the end he had become my closest friend out of that. He ended up being the one to corner Kaidan and Liara both to stop wishing after I had told him I couldn’t even keep a neutral conversation with them without them thinking I was interested in more than their stories.

The rest of the crew liked to talk, and I happened to pick up on _“Did you hear where Vakarian said Kaidan could shove his pistol?” “Yeah, wonder what that was about.”_

 

* * *

 

_… “It’s the both of them. I’m ready to tell them to get the fuck off my ship.” I said one night in my cabin, getting him away from the Mako damage for once. I sat in the corner of my berth, leaning against the wall as he sat at the desk beside me. “I’m only showing interest in what they have to say. Not my fault if asari have an interesting way to reproduce and she wants to talk about it. Nor is it my fault if I’d like to show sympathy for once for someone screwing up bad in their childhood.” I sighed and rested my chin on my hand. “I mean, what should I say? I’m trying hard not to be Commander Bitch here.”_

_He leaned forward, arms over the back of the chair he was straddling. “You might just have to be this time. If the only way they’re going to understand you don’t want to fuck either of them is to tell them off, do it.” He shrugged. “You’re their commanding officer.”_

_“I’m Kaidan’s commanding officer. And Ashley’s. The rest of you are just along for the ride.”_

_“If it’s any consolation, I consider you my CO. Though that’s the military blood talking.” He held on to the back of the chair and leaned back a bit. “Regardless, you are the one giving orders. At the end of the day, if that means ordering them out of your bed, do it. If they still don’t understand, do it with your HMWS.”_

_I grinned at him. “And this is why I talk to you.”_

_“I thought it was to keep me from discovering the damage you’ve done to our only Mako.” He grinned as I paled. “Turians work fast, Shepard. You’ve been driving off cliffs, haven’t you?”_

_I shrugged, closing my eyes and turning my nose up. “Not my fault of the scanners send me over cliffs when I’m trying to find insignias for your people or whatever else I have to find now.”_

_His hum of amusement shifted and I looked back at him, seeing he had gotten up. “I should get to work on the repairs. We hit the geth bases tomorrow, don’t we?”_

_I nodded. “So just keep being a renegade woman?”_

_“You’ve done well enough with it so far. Why not? The world needs more people like you. More able to make the calls you can. A hero would try to save everyone. You save who can be saved. And that’s enough in war.” He inclined his head. “Good night, Shepard.”_

_“Get some sleep yourself, big guy.”_

_“Sleep is for the dead.”_

 

* * *

 

I laughed, holding Jexton closer to my face as his tiny paws rested on my fingers, his whiskers twitching over the skin. “Little does he know that you don’t even realize time has passed. You don’t even feel rested.” The rodent continued twitching his nose. “But you’ll know about that in three years.” My mood fell. “And I made myself sad. Wonderful.” I stood and took Jexton back to his tank, letting him run and hide in his box. I glanced back at my desk, seeing the current mission’s specs laying on the surface, the Cerberus logo staring back at me. “Then again, he may know soon enough. It is a suicide mission, after all.” I wasn’t giving myself much better of a chance either. The wheels in my head started turning. Suicide missions usually let people do things they would normally regret. It gave those involved little time to do what they could.

If we were to die at the end of this, all of us… I wanted no regrets. No what-ifs. Not this time. My thoughts were barely half put together before I took the elevator down two decks. I passed Rupert cooking the ship’s dinner. I entered the battery, not sure what to even say.

All the apprehensiveness melted away as soon as he turned around. “Shepard. Need me for something?”

I smiled, my scars pulling slightly. This would either end horribly right or horribly wrong. No regrets. Not again. “How do turian crews get ready for high-risk missions?”


	3. Tali: En Route to the Migrant Fleet

After all the girl had been through that day, Tali needed a drink. I tore my young engineer from the fourth level to join Kasumi and I in what had been dubbed our nightly routine. After missions or even after a day traveling in space getting between destinations as I was sent all over the damned galaxy, I’d retire to the portside observation lounge.

Kasumi had the only bar in her room. Who was I to say no to her initial invitation for a drink between girls?

It had been ages since I had been able to let my demeanor slip away, to laugh and joke like a normal person. But Kasumi seemed to understand. She was quiet herself. As a master thief, she was on her own most of the time. I couldn’t imagine the job being very social, besides what she had had with Keiji. But she had a sharp wit and knew how to use it.

Both of us had needed the time to talk, one estrogen producer to another. Letting our guns talk for us only got us so far. And the liquor usually helped the conversation along.

Kasumi didn’t seem the least bit surprised at our additional guest. I would have been surprised myself if the thief hadn’t known. A hurricane glass of the dextro-safe liquor had already been poured over purified ice from Tali’s own stash.

“You are an angel,” Tali groaned while sliding on one of the stools. “Do you have a straw for this? It’s the only way I can get it through the damned suit.”

“Treason is a bit harsh, isn’t it?” Kasumi said as she played a perfect bartender.

“I don’t even know what I am being charged for!” Tali waved her hands in an exasperated manner as I took the stool next to her. “The Admiralty Board has done some pretty stupid things, but this…” She shook her head and toyed with the glass, the grips on her fingers clinking slightly on the material.

“Which is why we soak it in alcohol and save it for tomorrow,” I said, slapping my palm to the bar. “Speaking of, my drink hand is empty.”

Kasumi held a double rock’s glass of purple liquid to me, but retracted it when I reached for it. “You know I find out everything on this ship, Shep. How long did you think your little secret was going to last?”

My nerves shot.

“Wait, secret?” Tali looked between us, and Kasumi’s grin under her hood grew broader. If only I had had my pistol…

“It would seem our commander here is entertaining the idea of sleeping with a certain turian on board.”

I wanted it to be quiet, but Kasumi and that big mouth of hers…

Tali scoffed. “Oh please, we knew it was going to happen before the SR-1 was destroyed.”

I stared at the quarian. “What are you talking about?”

“Spare me. I have never seen a pair more alike in all my travels. I’m surprised you didn’t finish each other’s sentences.”

I looked between the two women and admitted defeat. I cracked a small grin. “That obvious, huh?”

“Well the word floating around, and not by me for once,” Kasumi insisted, “is that Garrus really likes you. Though I can never tell with turians.”

I hid behind my glass, welcoming the burn. I knew what night this was setting up to be.

“I think you should go for it,” she continued. “There are a lot of people who want to see you together.”

At this Tali waved her hand in the air.

I frowned and leaned against the bar, my glass hanging in my grip. “Really? You aren’t going to tell me that it’s a horrible idea?”

“Why would we, Shepard?” Tali asked around her straw inserted through her helmet’s intake. “I wasn’t going to say anything, but there is a bet floating around of how long it was going to take. It kind of took a two year hiatus when, you know…”

Two years… “Wait, this has been going on since SR-1?”

“Wrex’s idea. It carried over. The pot was pretty large last I checked.”

“Did you bet on us hooking up?”

“No! _Keelah,_ I’m not stupid! I knew you’d shoot us all if you found out, and I wanted nothing to do with it.”

Back then I probably would have done exactly what Tali said. A bullet to the knee gave just as much result as an interrogation. It just ended much sooner… “Well who carried it over this time?”

_“Normandy logs place the origin of the betting pool coming from Mr. Moreau.”_

Of course. “Thank you, EDI.” I smirked, twirling my wrist to stir the liquid. “EDI, could you upload Joker’s recent porn search history to the omnis of everyone on board?”

_“That seems to be a childish order, Commander. …It is done.”_

Sure enough, their three ‘tools pinged. “I knew there was a reason I liked you, EDI.”

Kasumi accessed it first and whistled, leaning on the bar. “This is a lot for recent.”

“He won’t be bragging about his terabytes of porn now,” I mused, dismissing the ping. I pointed to Kasumi, my drink still in hand. “What about you? You’ve been talking about Jacob non-stop for the past two weeks.”

She shrugged. “Can you blame me, Shep?”

“Her tastes have traveled to interspecies,” Tali said, her drink now half gone. “I don’t know if she has an opinion on human men anymore.”

I frowned and caught up to Tali’s progress. “I can comment on a human just as much as the next male of a species. I just have no comment on Jacob.”

“Because he’s human.”

“Because I have no interest in him. Never have, never will.” I ended up draining the rest of the glass and placing it upside-down on the counter. “But as a specimen of masculinity, I will give you credit, he could turn heads. Happy?”

Kasumi practically beamed as she took my glass. “Very.”

“He can be your suicide mission then.” I watched Kasumi make a second drink, even though it wouldn’t be necessary. The first was starting to work its magic. “You want to be sent to your death wondering what could have been between you guys, even if it’s just a night of stupid, awkward passion? I mean, that’s what near death does to you. Makes you think of the possibility. Because why the fuck not, you two give a damn about each other, and you’ve got some weird connection that needs explaining and—“

“Shepard,” Tali interrupted, bringing me back to reality. Asari drinks were too potent for their own good.

I took the new glass and muttered a curt apology. Even around them, I didn’t want to reveal too much, but too late for that it seemed.

“You don’t need to explain your reasoning to us,” she continued. “We understand.” I gave her a skeptical look that she took with stride. “I may be young, but I’ve faced dark times as well. Times of desperation. There was one quarian I was on my pilgrimage with. He was helping me get the information anywhere we could. We thought we’d die in the cargo hold before we even made it to the Citadel. So…”

“Mm, that desperate sex,” Kasumi said with longing, taking Tali’s glass to refill this time. Her own had somehow half vanished without my knowing. “Straight out of a romance novel. Passionate, heated, slow, deliberate.” She gave a wistful sigh and held up her rock’s glass while Tali took her second one. “To the best sex besides make-up sex!”

I tilted my glass. “I’ll toast to that.” I raised the drink to my lips.

“So what do you think Garrus is like in bed?”

I choked on fumes for a moment, making them both laugh.

“I’m kidding, Shep. I’d really rather not know. Well…” she looked up thoughtfully, “not until you know for sure, of course.”

Whispers of his low, flanging voice passed my ear and I shivered. “He did say he liked to favor the last shot before popping the heat sink.”

Kasumi actually spit her liquor out. I had never known a person could actually do that and in such a fantastic mist. Tali immediately groaned and put her hands to the helmet’s audio receptors. Both women were laughing as hard as I had wanted to when the actual thing was said. But at the end of the day, I did still care for my best friend. I’d leave the laughter for later.

“He corrected himself after a few seconds of me holding back that same laughter.”

“Aw, how surprisingly sweet of you,” Tali said sarcastically, giving Kasumi a chance to finish her first drink finally.

“Hey, he’s been through enough.”

She held up her hands. “I know he has. I played catch-up with him too.” She clasped her drink again. “I think we’ve sat on this long enough.”

“Indeed we have,” Kasumi said while mixing her second drink. “So tell us all about this quarian.”

Even through the helmet I could see Tali realize she had set herself up without even realizing it. I toyed with my glass, keeping my sights on the open window while Tali told Kasumi of her pilgrimage story. She had told me two years ago, though the intimacy between her and her crewmate was a new detail. A flash of a fantasy shocked my veins, forcing me to check my grip on my glass. I excused myself early, insisting I should be sober in front of the Admiralty, if only for Tali.

I kept the liquor with me as I left the two women to gossip. I doubt Tali had had much more luck than I in that department recently. I stood next to our crew’s table, void of crew members due to the ship time. The lock to the main battery sat green. I tapped the glass to my lip. To bother him, or not.

I wasn’t sure how he was able to wait. But I could understand his reasoning. The buildup we had been doing in missions and in the halls was maddening, yes, but it would be worth it. I pressed the cool glass to my lip, tasting the asari liquor. I grinned.

I could do buildup. But for now, it was just as satisfying to leave him in just as much frustration as I.

I’d just have to compliment his guns in the morning, to make sure he hasn’t had any trouble with his heat sinks. _I only heard that the more rounds you squeeze off, the more often you need to pop. The heat sink, I mean…_ I chuckled and shook my head, boarding the elevator. Oh yeah, I could do buildup just fine.


	4. En Route to Lattesh

We were both aware of each other’s games. I think the whole crew knew by then. I tried to keep the banter between us private, but certain crew members tended to be in places they shouldn’t be. Or at least not expected to be. They were trying to help, I understood that part. What I didn’t understand was why they persisted after I threatened to turn my reave on them.

While turning in a mission on the Citadel last, I managed to snag some ice cream that I kept hidden while the rest of my crew took advantage of our refueling time. With the week I had just started putting up with, it was a needed acquirement. While it was great to know my body was functional, I could have done without it. I cringed as my bare-footed steps traveled from my hidden storage unit to my couch. I doubled over a bit as it felt like I was miscarrying Satan’s hell-child. I knelt on the couch, my back arched and head to the cushions, biting my lip to the pain. Finally, it subsided, letting me release a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. I couldn’t even fix my posture before my omni pinged.

I relinquished my grip on my ice cream carton and sat back on my ankles, activating the message. The tension returned, but a good tension this time as I read the sender name.

_I know I’ve been blowing you off lately. Something happened back home. I haven’t wanted to talk to anyone. Chambers is riding me to open up, but I can’t. Not to Cerberus personnel, as much as we’ve all grown to like her. This is hard for me to say, and I’ve rewritten this message about twelve times now. I need someone I can trust._

I frowned at the device. When I thought of it, he had been quiet for the past week. I thought he was just overthinking our agreement, as he had a few times and I had to reassure him it was really what I wanted.

_Shit, I can’t even get myself to type this. I’m coming up, if that’s alright with you. Like old times, I guess._

I looked down at myself. My oversized N7 jacket covered my loose shorts, making it look like I had none on anyway. And I had shed my bra from beneath my white tank the moment I had retired for the night. On top of that, at any moment that Satanic child would try to claw through my uterus again. I tapped reply and the keyboard sprang to life.

 _“You know I’m here if you need me. Come up.”_ I jumped as a knock came from my door. I hadn’t hit send yet. “It’s open!”

To my surprise, Kasumi came in. “Ah, I just wanted to be sure you were fine. You didn’t come by tonight.” She nodded to the ice cream on the table. “I can take a guess why.”

“Yeah, sorry Kas. Not feeling too great. These things were always horrible for at least a day. The reconstruction did nothing to help it.” I pulled my legs up and rested against my knees. “For now, I think I can hold off the worst of it with sugary death.”

She grinned from beneath her hood. “I don’t blame you, Shep. I’ll let you relax then.” She took to the stairs leading into my office area, but the door opened before she should make it there. “Though I doubt you’ll be getting much rest anymore.”

An uncomfortable hum sounded. “Hello Kasumi. I didn’t know you were here.”

“Not anymore.” She vanished from sight using her cloaking. “Have fun you two. Use protection.”

The door closed finally and I laid back on the couch, the tugs of exhaustion wanting me to go to bed instead of remedying the pain with sugar. I groaned and held a hand to my gut as a painful bubble shifted under my skin.

“Do you need me to get Dr. Chakwas? Is your stomach alright?”

The pain subsided almost as soon as it came, but I still massaged the skin to ease the residual tension. “Nothing I haven’t dealt with since I was a little girl. I’ll be fine.”

“Is it a reopened wound? I smell blood.”

I frowned and looked at Garrus. My heart skipped as I realized he was genuinely worried. “Turian females don’t bleed once a month? Lucky bitches.”

He seemed to relax slightly. “Human females do?”

I groaned, this time in revulsion while I let my head fall back to the couch uncomfortably. “Yes. And it’s fucking torture. I won’t bore you with the gory details, but once a month we are doubled over in pain, bleeding, tired, bloated, and angry.”

He scoffed. “You’re always angry.”

“Not with you.” The pain flashed again and I grimaced, hiding my glowing eyes in the crook of my elbow. The lights were suddenly so bright. “Regardless, it’s a stupid female thing and it needs to die.”

“Now you sound like you.”

I tried blindly reaching for my container of ice cream, but kept coming up empty. “We all have different ways of dealing. Some sit it out, some using heating pads, and others use ice cream.” The container made it to my grip and I lifted my arm enough to smile weakly at him. I noticed he had dimmed my lights as well. “Thanks.”

“I don’t like seeing you in pain. Not when it isn’t deliberate from running into a hoard of geth.” He followed the carton with the spoon I had picked up earlier. To my surprise he gently pulled me up. I frowned as he sat in the corner of the couch, leaning me back into the crook his spread legs made. “I saw you rubbing your stomach earlier. Does that ease it too?”

I paused in dipping my spoon to the ice cream. “Sometimes. Others it’s just instinctive.” I heard a clasp unlatch. I looked up to see him taking off his gauntlet to tug off the right glove below. I watched the alien hand run under my arm and tentatively press against the area that had been left sore last. It had been the first time I had seen the skin bare, let alone feel the soft scales drag against the fabric of my shirt. Claws, not nails, extended from the tops of his fingertips, curving only slightly. Each slide of his fingers let me feel how dull, yet potentially dangerous they were. His two knuckles popped from under the scaly skin, flowing under his flesh. Heavier plates sat on the knuckles, and some on what was exposed of his forearm.

He must have noticed my staring. He stopped, fingers curled right above my stomach. “Sorry. I didn’t think… I should have asked first.”

I let out a hum of amusement and relaxed in his grip, resting my hand against his. “Why would I suggest sleeping together if I didn’t want you touching me?”

His fingers slackened. “I suppose.”

I clicked my tongue. “You are adorable, Vakarian.”

His low rumbling growl cracked my smirk. “You have no idea what I’m capable of, Shepard. You might not say that after our night before the Relay.” He started his circles again. It felt better than it should have. “We’re getting closer to that, aren’t we?”

I nodded, suddenly not interested in the ice cream. “We’re clear to get the IFF. Nothing else is left on our mission roster after the Firewalker base.” The circles were starting to leave me drowsy. At least it was helping keep the pain at bay. “We should be arriving sometime tomorrow.” I shifted slightly, feeling my chest constrict for a moment. “But you said you wanted to talk about something.”

The circles stopped immediately. He went completely still.

I frowned. “Garrus?” I felt a shock pass through my system as I looked up, meeting his sharp gaze. My heart broke to see them full of pain.

“You know of my father. I bitch about him enough. I still have my mother. Or… at least I do for now.”

I had seen the Shadow Broker’s information on everyone. That included the man in my room. I had seen the messages to the woman I could only assume was his sister. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I knew his mother was ill. I wasn’t really familiar with the condition that was listed on the message. I rolled over and sat up with my legs crossed. “What’s wrong?”

“My mother has been sick for most of my life.” He dropped his gaze, but I never let mine waver. “Three months ago, I was given a transmission from my sister that it was getting worse. That the finances weren’t keeping up. I offered to help pay with what we’ve been getting, but turians… we’re too damn proud for our own good.” His gaze flicked back up for only a moment, but dropped when he saw I hadn’t moved. “A few days ago, I was told her condition is too far advanced.” His sub-harmonics cracked. “She’s-“ He swallowed and shook his head.

I knew what wasn’t said. I straddled his narrow hips and put a hand to his scars. He startled a bit but pressed against my touch. “I’m sorry.” I usually said it automatically. It came with the job. But for once, I meant it, from the bottom of my heart. “I’m so sorry.” I leaned forward, pressing my lips to the plates over his jaw, surprised at the soft but firm feel of them. It was indeed different from kissing a human. And his plates limited him from doing more than press back.

It didn’t stop him from running his claws through my hair, keeping me to him. His still-armored left hand pressed to my back, forcing me against his armored chest. His mandibles flared, teasing my skin.

I pulled back but he kept his grip on my back firm. He tilted his head and I took his cue. I pressed my forehead to his, one of the turian signs of affection. “You don’t have to stay. We can go to Palaven and—“

“No, Shepard.” He spoke so firmly he startled me for a moment.

“But it’s your mother.”

I could feel the motion of him swallowing. His sub-harmonics sounded pained. The decibel reverberated to me through our contact. I could feel his pain. “The reason why turians have a superior military is simple. We are loyal to it first. Duty comes before anything else. I am indebted to you. And, we have an agreement I have no intentions of straying from. You still are the one I trust most.”

“But—“

“We put duty first to make the choices you make for humanity. If one death can save thousands, millions, we will sacrifice that one to make sure the others live.” The fingers on my back pressed slightly before slackening again. “War is a horrible thing, but it is how it must be.”

I could say nothing. It was why I could make the call on Torfan. Many people survived from my call, much more than if my squad had not done that suicide run. Even recently, I had made hard calls. But Garrus knew that… He knew I had to make them, just like the one he was making now. My gaze rested on his armor, the visor subtly flashing in my peripheral vision. “We’ll bring you back immediately after.”

“If we survive.”

“We’ll survive.” I smiled, knowing he’d see hints of it. “If you’re good in bed, I may need to keep you around, Vakarian.”

His laugh was sad, but something forced through. “I’ll keep it in mind to do my best, Commander.”

I lifted his gaze up to look at mine. “We’ll come back. And you will see your mom again.”

He pulled me with him as he leaned back into the couch, keeping me to his armor. “I believe you.” He shifted slightly. “Thank you, Shepard.”

I huffed into his armor. “Anything to delay my return to Earth. My last major call landed me in a lot of trouble.”

“The mission from Hackett you had to do on your own? You did the right thing. You delayed the Reapers.”

“I killed a lot of Batarians, Garrus.”

“And delayed the extinction of billions.” His fingers pulled through my hair, and I realized it was probably the first time he had felt such a thing. “You know that.”

“I do. I’m not questioning the call. I just… They’re going to throw me away because they refuse to believe us.”

“I’d say hide out on Palaven, but our climate is a bit harsher than your skin can tolerate. Why do you think we’re coated in thick skin and plates?” I felt a rumble under my fingers, a curious vibration. “If you tell them to truth, everything, they’ll let you off.” He chuckled. “You’ve been a symbol of hope for the humans, and even aliens, for a while. It would look bad on the Council to lock you away. Especially now.” He shrugged. “Once the threat is knocking on their door, they’ll realize how foolish they’re being.”

“They want me as an example. To show the Batarians war is not what we’re after. They want to show my actions were solely my own.”

His motions went still. “They’re making you a martyr?”

I let all of my weight lay over his armor. “So it seems.” I closed my eyes, just feeling the distant vibrations thrumming under the armor.

“Now that is foolish.”

“It’s wise for now. We don’t need any more in-fighting. We’ll give the Reapers an advantage. Something we can’t afford.”

“I’m sorry, Shepard.”

I held myself up on his chest, keeping my gaze away. I felt weaker than I ever had. Helpless. I hated it. “Guess we both have demons to face after the Relay. Might be better if we die, huh?”

He reached up and made me look at him. He was searching for something. “Dying means giving up. The Commander Jane Shepard I know does not give up. If others want to make you a martyr and not a saint, fuck them.” His bare thumb grazed my skin. Probably something else he had not felt before. “At least we know the truth. And we’ll be ready for whatever comes.”

His fang-filled half smile made me give him one in return. “How did I make it this far without you?”

“You made it somehow.” He gave another shrug, this one a bit pompous. “Not as much finesse with me not involved, but you made some decent waves.”

A laugh escaped me before I could stop it and I leaned my head to the jut in his armor. A wave of pain decided to come back and I groaned. “You’re lucky you’re cute.”

“First I’ve ever heard that.” He brushed against my skin again, pushing my hair behind my ear. “I’ll let you rest. I don’t see how you can tolerate what sounds like excruciating pain and still talk to me.”

“Oh it hurts like a bitch, don’t get me wrong, but after twenty-something years of it every month, you learn to deal with it.” I let him up, retreating to the other corner of the couch so I could pull my legs close to my chest. He picked up his gauntlet and glove and went to leave the room, but I held on to his arm. “If anything happens… with your mom, or you, you can come to me. You don’t have to ask permission. You can come up whenever.”

He nodded, most of his face hidden by the neck of his armor. “Thank you, Shepard. Get some rest. You’re no use to us on the field if you’re doubled over in pain before even getting shot.” He nodded to my table. “Your ice cream is probably ruined too.”

I grumbled and let him go, my head falling back to the rest behind me. “I give up. I’m going to bed.”

He chuckled all the way to the door. “Good night, Shepard.”

I kept my gaze to the observation window. “Yeah, same to you, Garrus.” The door locked behind him and I blew out a harsh breath, both from pain and from something else. There were still a jumble of things to sort through before the mission came to its conclusion.

I was never religious. But for that moment, I prayed there was a higher cosmic being. I prayed we would all make it out alive. The constant hum of the engines met my ears. Nothing more. I rolled off the couch with a huff. “It’s all in our hands, isn’t it?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Homeworlds Issue Three is worth a read if you ship this pair. That's all I'm saying for now.


	5. En Route to the Thorne System

I was still trying to digest Mordin’s blasé explanation on turian biology.

I stood in the elevator and activated my terminal on the omni. I had never closed a holo so fast as I did when a full-frontal turian stood from a diagram. I hoped EDI hadn’t seen it. And if she had, I hoped I wouldn’t have to shoot her core for being stupid and chatty.

I decided to skip seeing Garrus. Just for the time being.

I let the doors close on the third floor and instead went back to my cabin. Like I wasn’t nervous enough. Allergic reactions? Because of our different DNA? I knew he was a brilliant scientist, but… I bit my short thumbnail. Kissing was obviously fine. I didn’t feel anything earlier. And as for the whole thing… I guess we could figure something out.

Once safely back in my cabin, I locked the latch and pulled up the documents Mordin had sent over. I frowned at the figure that sat in the center of a general turian diagram of their bodies, something from a textbook equivalent to sexual education for the youths. Similar to humans they were not. They didn’t even have anything between their legs. I couldn’t fight the instant intrigue the physique gave.

I knew the natural collar of their bodies was a carapace, but I hadn’t known that the bump in the middle of their chests was from a keelbone. Besides that carapace, they were strangely thin. Their muscles seemed to be their skin, though my translator read that they were covered in thick skin, scales, and heavier plates. I looked to my desk, just noticing a small basket with two bottles, one a clear vibrant blue and the other a thicker cream.

I’d have to thank Mordin for supporting this fully. When I was convinced he wasn’t just doing this for scientific advancements.

My gaze went back to the diagram, drawn to the jutting parts of the legs. I never had the chance to learn what they were, and was surprised to find out it was bone, for extra balance. Females didn’t have horns under their fringes, and all the plates were a different shade from their skin, usually lighter.

Another link sent me to what looked like a master list for a curious teen turian. Female reproductive system, male reproductive system, masturbation, sexual orientation, and even pheromones and sounds. That last one got my attention.

I sat in a corner of my couch, not bothering to take off my boots as I pulled them to the fabric. I frowned as I read the article, knowing I wouldn’t be able to pick up on any scents he’d be giving off, though from what I could understand, so long as the guy could smell something it didn’t matter. The ripple I had felt through his armor the night prior when he mentioned hiding on Palaven with him was from anticipation, if I was getting the correct translation.

I grew slightly anxiously frustrated and backed out of the window. I figured he would explain whatever needed to be explained in that department. Otherwise it would have been like trying to figure out why cats make the sounds they do.

I leaned forward to make sure my lock was still red before sitting back and tapping the male reproductive link. I may have initiated the… invitation, but that didn’t make this any less awkward. I blinked and pulled the omni away. “That explains that…” It didn’t take long to figure out everything was internal. Which made sense due to the natural radiation they were so externally prepared for.

I jumped near out of my skin as my omni pinged in my previously silent cabin. A message from Garrus took over the screen on a private channel he had rigged up.

_Did Mordin force information on you as well?_

It felt like I was caught in the act. It was just good to know he was sifting through pretty much the same thing humans supposedly sit through in their Earth-born classrooms. The ones privileged enough to go, anyway. I tapped a response, my insides squirming a bit as the diagram blurred in the background. _Is this what you had to sit through in school? The turian birds and bees?_

It didn’t take him long to respond. _That would be_ turicths _and_ kresch _in our terminology, but I guess the same thing. Your bodies are… easily damaged._

I looked back at the master list, finding another section on typical behavior. _We get by alright. I hope that won’t be a problem._ I looked back to the page, understanding his concern for our “frailty” immediately.

Turians were rough. Or could be rough, really. Their teeth had been evolving the same as their skin, making them able to do damage to the softer scales unprotected by plates. A partner could give their male permission to do what they wanted by pulling on their horns.

I swallowed as I read on. While their claws would have no effect on their thick hides, they could potentially do damage to my less-than-thick one. Males also produced a bit more testosterone than most species (krogan excluded), triggering aggressive responses. Not as in, “I’ll rip your throat out and show it to you”, no, but physically… I noticed how tight my chest was and how sensitive I felt between my legs as my imagination started to wander.

His response filled the screen. _It won’t be. I know how to be careful with more than one trigger, Shepard. I’d rather not screw up your ability to command before we throw ourselves to the enemy._ I barely finished that message before another followed it. _Now after the Relay… I can’t make any promises._

I smirked at the screen. He was much better at flirting this way. Another article caught my eye, a recent study. A very recent one, from the date. Two scientists, a turian and a human, disproved Mordin’s initial claim of anaphylactic shock being a possibility. While it still wasn’t wise to consume dextro-amino foods, sex seemed to be no problem, so long as fluids wouldn’t rest inside the female for long. Though that was typically the case anyway. _Did Mordin tell you I’d kill you somehow?_

_He said to use protection against “human excretions”, whatever that… oh, never mind. Found it._

_Apparently he didn’t do all his homework._ I sent him the link and continued looking it through.

His response this time was delayed, and I was almost through with it myself. _We haven’t shared air space that long, under thirty years. Our species are still not in the coziest of relations. Studies on cross-species sex are still fairly limited to our situation. I am glad you won’t kill me from this, though._

I laughed at the omni. _It’d be worth it, don’t lie._

_Never said it wouldn’t be. I’m just pleased to know we don’t have to worry about dying or blowing up into balloons from something as basic as sex._

I hovered, my fingers above the extended keyboard. I debated on telling him more, but it felt like I would be ruining some of the fun. I bit my lip, still fighting myself. In the end, I tapped, _After reading what your species is capable of, I’m glad that’s true too. Can’t go to bed with a woman twice if you’re dead._

He didn’t respond. A few minutes passed and I flipped through a few more charts, growing bored with them. Anything else would have to come from when the time came. I stood and stretched, rubbing my lower back. The cybernetics may have increased my healing capabilities, but it did shit for aching muscles.

Only when I fell on my bed, ready for sleep a half hour later did he reply. I still managed to smirk at the message. _Who said anything about twice? If you’re willing to see what we can do, there’s no way you’re getting out of this with that meager amount. Even if we live through the Relay, Palaven is at least a two day trip from the Omega Relay. Do not expect to have the capability to walk after those two days._

“Good night to you too, big guy.” He could always surprise me through the silent coms. _If I’m still able to, you haven’t done your job._

_I’m not known for showing my targets mercy._

I shivered and found I had no answer for him. _You know I’m the same._

_Which is why this is so easy now._

I frowned at the message as I pulled the sheets closer.

_The joking, the insinuations. I mean, I’ll most likely do something stupid when I actually… see you, but I don’t care. I’ll just take on a hoard of geth in the Relay if it’s horrible. Not unlike a certain Miss Reave I know._

My breath hitched at his words before I smiled. _That reave has saved your skinny ass more times than I can count._

_Have you been staring recently? I have noticed you using your rifle a lot more…_

_Caught me. Because I can see through your armor._

_I’ll have to make an effort to remember not to wear the armor._

_That would be wise._ I felt my eyes get heavy. _Long day tomorrow. Should probably rest up._

_Get some sleep then. I’ll be up a while longer tweaking the Thanix cannons. They’re fine as they are, but I can get more out of them._

_Do what you feel it right. Don’t forget to sleep yourself._

_I’ll try to remember._

I broke the connection, plunging my room into a soft blue from the fish tank. The air was still without the ping from the omni. Each passing second I listened to the engines, my breath quickened slightly. I pulled the spare pillow to me. My chest felt tight. My heart raced.

I was just a girl sick of being pushed around in the Reds. Sick of being used and called weak. Running off to the military once I turned 18 seemed logical. Joining the N7 program was even more what I was looking for at 24

No one fucked with an N7.

From living on the streets, survival of the strongest was in my blood. Being able to let my men be killed for the greater good turned heads, and gave me the lead on Eden Prime. I hadn’t paraded my N7 armor around for a year before I was sent on this thing. And in this time, I somehow became the greatest war hero of all time. And all eyes were on me to see what I would do if they saw they Reapers on their doorsteps.

I just wanted to be in one of those Badass mags, to show the Reds they couldn’t fuck with me anymore. I could serve justice my own way.

Instead I had died, been rebuilt with cybernetics, and was heading back to my death.

I gripped my hair and clutched the pillow, getting my breathing back to normal.

_“Commander, we will reach the derelict reaper in five hours. Would you like me to wake you upon arrival?”_

“Yeah, thanks EDI.” I closed my eyes, focusing only on the constant hum of the ship. I forced my breathing to even against the sound.

Easier said than done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The dextro/levo information I'm referencing can be found on Tumblr.


	6. Before the Relay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picks up right where our little cutscene fades out.

**Before the Relay**

He was the one to shift first. “What is it you humans would do first?”

Everything was much different, knowing the teasing was over. I understood how he felt. Two hours suddenly seemed so short. “It depends. I think we’ve missed the point of spontaneous shut-the-fuck-up kissing.”

His laugh reverberated against my head. “That doesn’t seem fitting for right now, regardless.”

I tilted my head to look at him better; my gaze dropped to his hand. “We could start with that wine of yours.”

He held it up, showing he forgot all about it. “Right. I was able to get it when we docked at Omega last. Probably tastes like piss, but whatever works.”

I laughed a bit. “Come on, there’s two glasses waiting. We can play twenty questions if that will help. Because I think it will.”

He followed me to the couch, taking one side of the corner while I took the other. “And that is?”

“A ‘getting to know you’ game.” I uncorked the wine and filled the glasses halfway. I suddenly felt uncomfortable in my civvies. Should I have just met him at the door in my lingerie? I cringed inside. No, I had made the right choice. Though even my sleep clothes would have been better. I handed him the other glass and restrained myself from draining the whole thing at once.

“How do you play it?”

“We each ask the other ten things, and we have to answer, no matter what. To play the shorter version, anyway.” I swirled the wine before tasting it. For something that had been stripped of natural sugars and replaced with dextro/levo safe artificial grains, it wasn’t too bad. Or maybe my brain was processing it as good to get me to drink it. It made me realize how dry my throat was. How real the whole situation was.

“So, I could ask why you decided to join your military’s N7 program?”

And I realized how real his voice was, even if I could tell he was just as nervous as I was. It took me a second to form a response. “I was twenty-four. I’d been in the marines since I was eighteen and I was looking for more ways to prove I could take on heavier things. It took me a year, along with fifty other recruits. Not many made it to N6. N4 took a lot of them. Some died, others quit because they couldn’t make certain calls. I made it to N7 by making a huge call. One only my squad made.” I shut up then and kept my gaze on the liquid in my hand. “If it isn’t too much, what is wrong with your mom?”

“Why do you wish to know?”

“You don’t get to ask that. And I am genuinely concerned. I just want to understand what’s wrong. That’s your freebie explanation.”

He tipped the glass to his lower jaw and swallowed. I could tell he wasn’t sure what to say. He answered when I went to pass the question. “Corpalis Syndrome. It’s a neurodegenerative disease. Still rare, so not much research has gone into it. It isn’t quick.” He tilted his glass to me. “Your public files say orphaned and raised on the streets. How old?”

“Six.” No sense hiding anything. “Not all of Earth is as beautiful as they show in the vids. A lot of it is just as ugly as Omega. I grew up with a street gang called the Reds. That guy I helped way back when, to get his buddy out of jail?” I waited for him to nod. “He was a good friend of mine. Was one of the few that stood up for me. For awhile.” I shrugged. “I decided I wasn’t getting anywhere with where I was. I wasn’t well-educated, but I was street-smart.” I smirked and leaned back in my corner. “Military was the perfect fit, especially the marines. They also helped me get a proper education, working off what I already knew.” I nodded to him. “Did the Spectre thing work out?”

“No. Even they were becoming corrupt. I figured I’d take out what I could on my own. A lead on the Citadel took me to Omega. How did you make it to N7?”

“Torfan.” I tilted my glass, watching the liquid. “Every N6 that has made the attention of the higher ups, they are given an Interplanetary Combatives Training, ICT. Torfan was my ICT.” I tilted my lips to the glass again, still glad it was tasting good. “When we put on the uniform, we don’t say ‘haul the blood’ for nothing. How did you manage to survive for so long on Omega?”

“I had plenty of supplies we had stockpiled during our months of work. And… I wasn’t holed up for as long as you think. It was only a few days. I was on my last resources.” His focus was on his own glass now. He gave a harsh chuckle. “I even called Dad. I thought I was done for. But you know what? The funniest thing happened as I was telling Dad what could have been my last words, something came into my scope. And I could breathe again.”

“What was it?”

“I believe I get to ask you a question next.” His gaze caught mine and I hid behind my glass, though the contents drained easily. “When did you decide you wanted to sleep with me?”

“After you shot Sidonis. That whole mission, you let me see what you had gone through for the past two years. It made me see how alike we think. And so, if we’re about to throw our lives away for people who will probably still end up dead anyway, I’d like to have a chance to go out with no regrets. And one of the biggest human regrets is fucking your best friend and have it go horribly wrong.”

He laughed into his glass. He leaned forward and took my empty one to refill it. “I see your reasoning. So no matter what, it will all work out in the end.”

“Exactly. So out with it. What did you see?”

He handed me the glass. “Your armor. Only one human woman could wear that and still look that good. I pulled out my scope and sure enough, you turned your fire on the mercs. And yes, I did pop a round at your ass. I had to screw with you somehow. You had just saved my damned life. And I got to tell my family I wasn’t about to die.” He frowned. “I mean I did end up almost dying, but still.”

I leaned back into the couch again. “But we learned a valuable lesson that faces indeed cannot catch rockets.”

“We’ll have Mordin write a scientific study on it. I’m sure more turians would like to know.” We both laughed, and the tension seemed to ease away a bit. “Do you prefer Jane, or Shepard?”

“I’ve just gotten so used to Shepard, I don’t even think about my first name anymore. It’s nothing special. Just plain. Almost as simple as John. What about you, do you care what I call you?”

“Honestly, Vakarian has been good when you’re teasing. Sort of still a command, but still playing around.” He ducked his head and laughed. “Sorry if that’s weird.”

“Not at all. With military background, I wouldn’t doubt it if you got turned on by superior roles at times.” I played with my glass. “At least now I know what to do on the field to tease you.”

“Only if you want to be left unable to return to the field for a few days.” He caught himself. “Sorry, too much?”

I was still processing hearing the words that I had grown used to seeing through messages. “No, not too much.”

“I guess that qualified as my turn. You go.”

“Oh, um…” I pointed to my cheek. “When do turians get their family crest?”

He touched his own. “Seven typically, when we’re strong enough to hold a pistol and fire it straight. My father immediately trained me on rifles when I got my crest.” He tipped his glass to his lower jaw again. “What we did yesterday, I hope you don’t think I was overstepping any boundaries. Was I?”

“I could ask you the same thing. But no. And I am sorry. Kissing you just seemed to be something to do at that moment.”

“I didn’t understand it then, but it helped. I later found out that the actions meant pretty much the same thing. So I looked up more of your customs. Some we don’t have. Our lips don’t allow kissing, and have you seen our mouths? That is not something we men want near our dicks. It’s hard enough to keep out sometimes.”

I toyed with the rim of my glass. “From personal experience?”

“Ah, and that counts, doesn’t it?” He groaned and I laughed while he hid his face, though I could tell he was holding back laughter.

“Come on, Vakarian. Don’t make me pull rank on you,” I said to tease him on. I prodded his leg with my foot, leaving my leg to rest up on the couch.

“Fine. There was a girl in my comp-sci class at the academy back on Palaven. I managed to talk her into letting me over her place after school. Never again did I try that. She was the worst screecher I had ever heard.”

I had to hold my hand up. “Did she sound like a pterodactyl?”

“I have no idea what that is, but every time she came she made some awful sound that eventually made me give up and go home. I just pretended it never happened for the longest time, to save both of us the embarrassment. So what about you? Anything like that with you?”

“You’ll be happy to know I do no such thing. I sound normal when that happens. As for men, I had one who thought he was being clever by only saying ‘fuck yeah’. I tossed his ass out in the hallway and threw his clothes after him.”

“I’ll keep it in mind to keep my dirty talk witty.”

I set my glass down and sat back up. “So you like dirty talk, hm?”

“Better if you say what you want, isn’t it? Otherwise you’re left wonder what could have been reached. More fun that way.” His posture shifted as well. His glass joined mine on the table. “Which, if I do something wrong, or right, I want to know.”

“Can’t leave this world unsatisfied. Wouldn’t be right. Still your turn.”

“Why did you kiss me? From what I understand, humans comfort others in a few ways. Kissing is usually not a way friends would do things.”

“We have a unique friendship. We’ve seen too much together for it to be any less. Given our personalities, that was the best option. Physical, intimate contact. Something we both needed.” I dipped my head. “Something I think we both still need.”

I heard his weight shift. His fringe pressed to my forehead. “I think so too.” He tilted my chin up and I met the contact, feeling his gentle breath on my skin. “Don’t ruin my ego if I do something terrible.”

I laughed into his plates, shifting to look into his eyes. “You could never do anything to turn me off.” I moved the leg that had been resting on the couch, resting it against a hook his hip bone made. How did more interspecies sex not happen? Our bodies fit perfectly.

He let out a heavy breath of surprise against my lips as I slipped into his lap. “Shepard.” He practically purred. I pressed my lips to his, and it took no time for him to figure out how to hold his jaw, how to hold my lip so gently I barely felt him. His rough, serpentine tongue brushed against mine, sending my mind in the clouds.

I did have one moment of clarity. “Mmf, wait.” I pulled away. He growled, more playful than anything. “Mordin wasn’t wrong about one thing. Our skin won’t get along.”

He let out a huff and let me get up to go to my desk. “Fragile, fleshy things. How do you look with no armor to protect you? I am curious.”

I arched a brow. “Never shared a shower with a human?”

“Never really had to look. Worked with turians until I came to the Citadel, and there I had a place to retire to, with a shower. And the days I couldn’t wait I was alone in the office.”

He couldn’t see me where I was from behind my collection of ships. I fidgeted with the straps holding my shirt on at the shoulder. I shrugged it off, exposing a black lace bra I hadn’t had a reason to wear until now.

“What are you doing back there?”

I let the shirt drop to the floor quietly. “Nothing important.” I took the basket and stepped back around the dividing wall. “Now, I think you were curious?” Even I could read the surprise. All you had to do was look beyond the mandible, to the skin connecting their jaws. That is, if it was exposed. I had only seen his tighten in anger before.

Now they hid his surprise quickly, but his eyes narrowed, giving him a dangerous look. It was easy to see him as Archangel, Vigilante Turian. “If you’re so willing to show me, show me everything. Unless the Great Commander Shepard is afraid?”

“You know I hate that,” I hissed, setting the basket down. I unfastened my pants and pushed them slowly down my thighs, my panties caught with the pants. When I stood up straight I straddled his waist, fitting around the hooks of his hips perfectly. I took his hands and brought them to the clasp of my bra. “Let’s see how you do against a man’s greatest enemy,” I teased.

I watched him progressively get more frustrated. “What is the point of this damned thing?”

I laughed and took over for him before he ruined it with his claws. “Don’t worry, big guy, not many boys get it on their first try either.” I saw him ready to retort, but as the last bit of fabric I had on fell away, he lost his speech. I leaned up on my knees, holding myself up on his carapace. “Is something wrong?”

“It’s no wonder your armor is so thick. Any temperature fluctuations would kill you.” He ran a soft-scaled thumb over my bare arm, over toned muscles. I could feel the slight drag, but it only brought tingles, not pain. “I’ll have to keep that in mind if we need to have an emergency plan for the future.”

“Excuse me for being a soft thing and not firm in the hips.”

“I like it.” His hands laid on my thighs, dragged up to rest on my hips. “My thumbs touch, and my fingers can still grip you. That’s enough for me.”

I tapped his nose and curled my fingers under the hem of his shirt, lifting it slightly. “Your turn. I’m not the only one playing show and tell tonight, Officer.”

“It is fair, I suppose.” One of his hands gripped my thigh and tilted me to my back. All I could do is let out a startled squeak. I clasped my hands to my mouth as his gaze jerked to mine. I saw the grin before the chuckle.

“Breathe a word that I did that and I’ll shoot you on the spot.”

His response was to lean over my body and let out a hot breath against my nipple. His tongue followed, almost unsure.

Unsure, but accurate. What the hell diagrams did Mordin send him? I pressed my legs together when his free palm grazed the other. I gripped the back of the couch. “You sure you’ve never done this?”

“I take it I’m doing well,” he said against my skin.

The rumbling purr reverberated through me, sending a shiver up my spine. “A decent start, that’s for sure.” I met his mocked look of hurt with a playful smirk. “Tits and ass usually aren’t the ways to a girl’s heart, you know.”

“I don’t hear sounds of complaint from you.” He teased both my breasts with his palms. My sex felt on fire. I let out a soft moan. He grinned. “Now refresh my memory, Shepard. Humans usually make this sound when they’re in pleasure, right?”

I let out a breathless chuckle. “If you want that sound, there’s better places for it.”

“Oh I know. But where’s the fun in that? You know I’m very hands-on.”

I could only fidget to try and relieve some of the tension he was building. Not to mention the nerves. “It does feel good for most of us, but many don’t get off this way.”

“Now who said that was what I was aiming for? I’ve done my share of homework, Shepard.” He licked between the valley of my chest, running it up and over the ridges of my throat, my head falling back to let him do so.

And then I felt a shock like never before from my sex. A sharp cry left my throat. While I was in that position, I hadn’t seen or felt him move to flick a finger over my clit.

“It just takes a little waiting to make something better.”

I was going to punch him later for his smooth, seductive nature. At that point though, all I could do was grip the couch harder as his hesitative strokes became more sure, testing new motions and paces every so often. Slow, easy circles. Quicker drags. His other hand continued playing with my breast. Every nerve was on fire. My hips rolled against his ministrations, my soft gasps getting sharper, louder. I leaned up and kissed him again. He pressed back, leaning with me as I laid back again. His stronger tongue danced with mine.

My legs shook. I cried out against a sharp flash of pleasure. I couldn’t even think of a snide remark. My sex was winding ever tighter. His began the circles again, faster this time. The subtle bumps from pads of his finger created more sensations than I had felt with human skin.

The pleasure snapped all at once. Liquid fire erupted from his strokes, rendering me weak. I gripped on to him as I pressed close to his body, and he held me in place while he continued on, dragging out my breathless cries.

Once I was unable to take any more I nudged at his hand, finally able to breathe again. I laid back, my chest heaving as I tried to catch my breath. I pushed my bangs from my face, seeing his smug grin. I gave him one back. “Not bad for your first human, Vakarian.”

“No, I wondered what all those very sexy sounds were.” He chuckled and lightly nuzzled my neck, still testing out what my skin could handle. “So long as I can eventually brag of seeing Commander Shepard naked, it’s worth it.”

I joined his laughing, pushing at his chest. I still hadn’t calmed my heart entirely. “That’s entirely not fair. I told you to get naked and you disobeyed me.”

He pressed his flat nose to mine, his eyes locking on mine. “Because here, you aren’t my Commander. You’re my friend. Spirits, more than my friend. If I can trust you with my life, I can trust you here, alone. So long as you trust me like that as well,” he added, a little rushed. He was still nervous.

“I do. In the prison, while we were trying to get Jack. You saved my ass. I trusted you would have my back, and you didn’t prove me wrong. You never have.”

“Your regeneration hadn’t kicked in, your clips were out. What was I going to do? Stand aside and let them kill you? Never.”

I tilted my gaze south. “You’re still a little overdressed for the occasion, don’t you think?”

“Just a bit.”

“Strip for me then.”

He went silent for a moment before laughing. “You can’t be serious. I’m in no way turning into a male stripper.”

“Ugh, no, spare me the banana hammocks.” I laughed around a growl. “Come on. Or are you the one who’s scared now? What, is your penis embarrassing or something?”

He arched a browplate and leaned back, unfastening the bindings on his shirt to loosen it. “Be careful, you may have to eat your words later.” He hauled the wider collar over his head and back on his horns, tossing the shirt to the side. He took his boots off as he stood, unbuckling the straps holding his pants tight to his legs. The whole time I was taking in his own alien skin, not sure what to think. He wasn’t exactly what I was expecting under the armor and clothes. He was thin in the waist like the rest of his species. His plates were a stark pale contrast against the darker hue of his scaly skin. His eyes caught mine and he let the pants fall to the spurs on his calves. Where in the diagram was the hint of a break in the plates, his were shifted a little more apart. He sat again to get the spurs free, and then added the pants to the pile of discarded clothes.

It was his turn to be pushed back to lean against the armrest of the couch, my weight pushing on him from my arms. “My turn, Vakarian.” I tentatively touched his plates, finding the same sandpapery feel as the plates of his head. I followed the unusual patterns of his muscles. I was distracted from paying him back. I had become immediately fascinated by the way he was built. Muscles had always been a foolish girly weakness of mine. “From what I understand of your bodies, you’re in pretty good shape.”

“Have to be conditioned if I’m working on the field. Can’t do that as a fat turian cop behind a desk.”

An entertaining image of a round turian and human wearing police uniforms sharing a container of donuts formed in my mind. I couldn’t stop the snort of amusement.

“They do exist. We just typically have a decent metabolism though. Nothing like the salarians, but it keeps us pretty average.” His voice turned into an amused growl. “Questions, questions, Shepard. I thought you wanted to try fucking a turian, not interrogate one.”

I ducked my head a bit. “Sorry, curious is all.”

He laughed and tilted my chin back up. “It’s okay. How better to learn about a species than question it? I’ll answer anything you ask if you answer anything I do. Deal?”

I nodded. “Deal.” I kept my gaze on the portion between his thighs, littered with plates of various sizes, though still grouped closely together until they split to follow his pelvis. “So, you’re internal. How do you…?”

“Oh, no, not completely internal. It just… takes a little bit. It can’t be forced out. ”

I was about to joke that if a naked woman couldn’t get him hard I didn’t know what would, but then I remembered, he wasn’t human. He didn’t know what was attractive in our species, just like I wasn’t really sure what turians saw in fringes and waist stability. Or if there was anything else that they found physically attractive. There was something that would make any man react though… “Soo,” I trailed my fingers over the side of his protective plates, not daring to shove my fingers into something that I knew nothing about. Not when he said it couldn’t be forced. “How do you get it out?” I frowned. “How the fuck do you piss?”

“1, I’m not ruining this with that information, and 2, you have to coax it. From what I understand, you human females are similar.” He seemed to want to retract that statement. “I mean, you don’t grow dicks, but the idea is the same.”

I arched a brow, adding more fingers to my exploration. He let out a soft purr. “How do you know that we don’t?” His purr cut short and my laugh escaped through my nose, pitching me forward against his chest as I laughed. His body relaxed under me. “I’m kidding. We don’t. Don’t let anime fool you.”

“Spirits, Shepard, don’t do that.” I fixed my posture and kept teasing the plates, feeling them vibrate slightly. His subharmonic purr returned. “Well, keep doing that, but don’t scare me. I want to still sleep with you before we die.”

I felt something brush the sides of my teasing fingers. I switched my teasing there, knowing exactly what it was without looking. His eyes clenched shut and his breathing hitched. “Don’t tell me this is it, Vakarian.”

He grinned and opened his eyes. “I thought your species also wasn’t cocked and ready to go right off the bat. Give me a minute.”

I shifted my knees back until I could lay between his legs. I pushed his thigh, making him steady one leg on the floor. It was still weird, seeing a dick emerging from a protective slit, but it was exotic enough to not matter. I caught his gaze, not sure if he knew what I was going to do or not. I wasn’t exactly sure how much research he had done on his own, or what sort of sources he used. I leaned forward and licked his shaft, sending a sharp hiss tearing through him, followed by a pleasant rumble of appreciation. I had read that he had some sort of self-lubrication. I wasn’t prepared for it to be sweet. I pressed my lips to his arrowhead-shaped tip and took as much of him as I could in my mouth, feeling rigid bumps beneath the surface.

That rumble thrummed through his whole body. “Why the hell haven’t we done this sooner?”

I replaced my mouth with my hand, stroking his shaft and passing over his tip. “Reality hadn’t sunk in.” I smirked. “What, am I doing a good job?”

“Almost too good,” he groaned while my tongue teased him again. His grip replaced my earlier one on the couch.

He was in fact bigger by then. The ridges were more prominent, and his base was larger. I brushed the base with my tongue and he jerked forward.

“Shepard, stop.”

“What, did I do something wrong?” I looked at him to make sure I hadn’t.

“No. Our knots are just really sensitive. They don’t come out this early, usually.”

“What is it for?”

“It keeps us in a female. We both produce lubricants, which makes it hard to stay in sometimes. The knots do that for us, mainly when we’re trying to reproduce.”

“And the ridges?”

“Just part of our anatomy. Nothing special about it.” He held on to my shoulders and nodded to the bed. “We’re running short on time. Want to finish up here?”

My heart fell. It was that close already? I nodded. “Yeah.” I squeaked again as he hefted me into his arms and took me to the bed. I groaned. “Not a damned word.”

“Our secret.” He set me on the bed. “Should I get the oil from the table?”

“Probably wise. Rather not risk anything.”

He went and retrieved it for us. “Fragile human.”

“Leather-butt.”

“Oh so mature.” He knelt on the bed between my legs, running his free fingers over my thighs. “So just put it on your skin?”

“Yeah, that’s what he said. Just where it matters.”

He popped the bottle open again let enough pour onto my skin. He worked it in to my thighs, making me purr a bit as he came closer and closer to my slit. He tossed the bottle aside and leaned over me. “Ready?”

I nodded, holding on to his arms. He shifted his legs for better balance, pulling his hips back. When he adjusted, he pushed inside.

I groaned as he went as far as he could. He was right. Why had we waited this long? He pulled out and pushed farther in, both of us groaning and not caring how loud. “Spirits…”

“Don’t you dare stop,” I muttered, still getting used to being filled again. I gasped as I felt his ridges rub against something inside. “Fuck, really don’t stop.”

“I’ve barely started.” He gave his rumble of a chuckle again. “Finding something to your liking?”

“Nothing special about it my ass. The ridges,” I added to his look of confusion. “Move again.”

He did as I asked, shifting on his knees again when he realized what I meant. The ridges must have been hitting my g-spot. He kept going, finding a good rhythm for us. Not fast, but not slow either. Just enough to get used to the other. He bent forward, his breath tickling my neck. “I didn’t expect… You’re just fleshy everywhere, aren’t you?”

“Mm, your groans are telling me you don’t hate it.”

“Ah, that I don’t.” He gave a few faster strokes, testing the waters. My breath caught in my throat as I choked on a moan. “I’m going faster. We’re almost out of time. Can you keep up?”

I grinned. “Don’t think for a second that I’m an amateur.”

He adjusted his posture again, lifting my thighs up to rest against his pelvic hooks, my ass off the bed as he gripped the curve of my hips. He kept his focus on me, watching what I was doing as he gradually worked his pace up, faster than before.

I gripped whatever of him I could, fighting his hold. My walls tightened and relaxed around him. My chest went tight and throat dry against my panting cries, against the death threats I gave him if he ever stopped. He kissed me, gently pulling my lip between his sharp fangs.

I knew I had to survive now. Both of us had to survive. I clenched on him again, though this time, my body gripped too hard. His thrusts ruptured my orgasm. I keened into his arm, gripping the edges of his arm plates.

He cursed with every quick thrust. He grunted into my skin. “Spirits, I’m not lasting. It’s too good.”

“More of a reason to survive then.”

“Mnf, Shepard…” He gave a few more strokes before pulling out, spilling on my skin with a harsh groan. He ran his hands over my legs, hooking under them to lay me on the bed properly. We both tried to calm our breathing. He put his forehead to mine. “Hope I didn’t suck.”

I let a breath out of my own. “Not bad for a first timer, Garrus. You sure you haven’t done that before?”

“You’re different from us physically, that’s about it.”

My omni pinged and I opened the message. “Joker says we’re about fifteen minutes out.” He made me look at him. “We need to get geared up.”

“I know.” He ran his thumb over my cheek. “But, if we do survive, you get to see what I can really do when we’re not pressed for time.”

“Mm, you think you did a good enough job for a second round?”

“Oh I think your moans made it very clear I did.”

I laughed and he licked my neck. “Yeah yeah, preen your ego, bird-face.”

“Again with the maturity, Shepard. I’m surprised you don’t charm more men that way.”

“Only the ones who can understand that charm.” I let him up to gather his clothes. I didn’t want him to have to do the walk of shame. I started to find my undersuit, knowing I’d have to be present in the cockpit when we entered the Relay.

We dressed in silence, though it wasn’t awkward. More so, it felt like a weight was off my shoulders. I could breathe, for that point in time, at least. I could pretend we weren’t parting for any other reason than a pest control problem planetside.

I heard him clear his throat and I looked, fastening the last of the undersuit together. “Something wrong, Garrus?”

“Nothing at all.” He came closer, shirt still in hand. “Just still processing this is all. And realizing I have more to survive for than ever.”

I laughed. “There’s that ego again.”

“Call it my male sense of being protective.” He stood in front of me. “So, about that second round.”

He set his hands at my waist. “Fine. If we survive this, come up here after we’ve all rested for a bit. I’ll program the lock to let you in.”

“Sounds like a plan.” He did his head bump again. “Whatever you decide, I’m behind you. But listen to an old war buddy. Come back alive. Otherwise I may have to take your uniform and pretend to be you, and let’s be honest, that wouldn’t be pleasant for anyone.”

I laughed against his plates and tilted my head to kiss him. “We couldn’t have that. Don’t worry, big guy, we’ll be fine. I’m Commander Freaking Shepard. I’ve got this.”

He stepped away and put his shirt back on. “Confidence, so sexy. Especially in a woman with guns strapped to her back.”

My smile turned sly as he headed to the door. “You know I love that feeling right before popping that heat sink. Especially with the sniper.” I let him figure out if I meant the gun or not.

“You are going to get me killed on the field, I hope you know that.”

I crossed my arms as he left, the door closing behind him. My serenity quickly faded. My throat felt tight. “Hopefully not if I make the right calls…” I shook my head and started strapping on my armor.

The budding anxiety was forced down. It was time to get my crew back and fuck up the Collectors right in their home. Even if I was killed in the process.

I took in a deep breath as I fastened the last strap and picked up my visor. “No regrets.”


	7. Collector Base: Destroyed

**Collector Base: Destroyed**

We all had to lick our wounds before bottles could be popped in celebration. We each gave weak cheers, everyone using someone for leverage.

I don’t think I’d ever seen Karin so busy in her life. While we had risked our lives to eventually destroy the base, my team had all had enough time to escape and rest up for what remained of our wave.

All of us had made it out alive, though Samara had me worried for a moment. Her shields almost didn’t hold up.

Apart from gashes, fatigue, and shock, we were all treated one after the other. I forced the crew to be checked first. I clenched my jaw against a wave of a migraine. Something had clocked me at some point. The regenerative cybernetics were slowly working through internal damages, but I still wouldn’t say no to aspirin and a few hours of sleep.

When I thought about it, it was strange. The cybernetics were healing slower each time lately. Were the parts wearing out? _I’ll have to start dodging more bullets now… And be a lot more cautious with charging into a hoard of geth._ I bit the pad of my thumb. _There goes that scare tactic._

“Shepard?”

I looked up from the office chair I was occupying while I waited. “Oh, ready?”

Karin nodded and I looked to see Jacob leaving. Everyone else had gone to their quarters to sleep off the fatigue. I had promised them a party when we could all see straight to ruin it again with alcohol and bad decisions. I got up and my hand automatically held my head against the pain in the equilibrium shift. Her hands were at my arm in an instant just in case.

“Overuse of your biotics, Commander?”

“Yeah, maybe. That and the rock that nicked me.”

She led me to one of the beds to sit again. “Let’s see.” While she put on gloves I pointed to where and she shifted through hair that still needed to be washed. We all had only shed our armor when we came back, leaving it in a heap in the cargo bay. I didn’t think it wise to let everyone escape to their quarters with a hidden concussion or internal bleeding.

Her fingers stopped and she reached for a nearby tube of medi-gel. “Not too horrible, considering, but I’d highly advise you to shower before retiring for the night.”

“I’d rather not scum up my sheets. How are the rest of the injuries?”

“Most likely minor bruising. Does it hurt anywhere else?”

I shook my head. My shields had prevented deadly fire, and no bullets had ripped through. Couldn’t say the same for Jacob, but he was fine now. The extent of my injuries came from close encounters. Even the human reaper hadn’t really gotten me, thanks mostly to the Collector Particle Beam I had snagged from Horizon. “I had meant everyone else, though. I tuned out a lot from this migraine.”

She pulled off her gloves with two snaps and set them on the table beside her. “Everyone will live. Tali’s suit was nicked so she’s swimming in antibiotics and is on strict bed rest. Samara has extreme exhaustion and a migraine double yours.”

I winced for the Justicar. And I thought I was in pain.

“Jacob had a few bullet wounds, as did Kasumi. Everyone else is mainly exhausted and needed treatment for minor injuries.” She pressed a pill in my hand along with a cup of water. “Shower, then bed. Same orders as everyone else.”

“Don’t worry, nothing is getting in the way of that.”

 

My feet felt like lead as I limped into the elevator, holding my head against the waves of pain. The lights in the dim galley were suddenly so bright. I basically made it back upstairs by memory, choosing to keep my eyes closed. I tentatively cracked an eye open, but was relieved to see the only light source came from the fish tank. Luckily, the soft blue didn’t irritate the migraine further. Which could have also indicated the medication was working.

However, I wasn’t alone. Garrus sat at my desk, his bare fingers to his crest. He must have been nursing his own headache. “I thought you’d be out cold like the others.”

He shook his head, showing he knew I was there. “We’re a little more resilient than most species, krogan excluded. I’m sure Grunt is running laps in the cargo bay, lucky bastard.”

A small smile managed to break through my pain. “Now now, that is my tank baby you’re talking about.”

“Don’t remind me.” He took in a deep breath and sat back in my desk chair. “We’re more resilient, but not invincible. I’m on my last legs, if I’m using that expression correctly.”

I nodded and crossed my arms. He had my curiosity. “Regardless, I figured you’d be pouring your last bit of energy over those guns.”

I could see his frown. “Is that all anyone thinks I do? Calibrations and algorithms? I do have other interests, you know.”

“Oh? You could have fooled me. You did blow me off quite a few times this past month to work on the cannons.”

He pointed to me. “Which saved our asses.”

I nodded. “Which saved our asses.”

I watched his demeanor shift slightly as he stood. “I needed something to keep my mind busy, Shepard. In a fucked up way, this worked for the best.” He shook his head. “I should go back downstairs and shower. I’m sure you want some quiet.”

I held on to his arm, feeling the firm skin beneath his under suit. “Hey, mine’s big enough for two. And I don’t want you sleeping on that cot if you have a better option.”

He looked a little uncertain. “Are you sure? I mean, I’m not saying no but… I thought—“

“Don’t think.” My anxiety flared a little again, inadvertently making me grip harder. If he noticed or not, I had no idea. “After we make it to Palaven, we won’t see each other for a long time. I may never see you again, depending on how long they want to lock me away. I know how they operate. Calls are monitored, if they’re even allowed. Same with visitation. The military doesn’t fuck around with those who make calls like I do.”

He surprised me by hesitantly touching the cybernetic scars, and then resting his whole hand to the skin. “But those calls got you where you are. They’re fine with you sacrificing your squad of humans for a call, but they’re not fine with batarians dying for the same thing, if not for a greater cause?”

I shrugged but didn’t argue the gesture he gave. “I don’t begin to understand the military. I see why they want to show we don’t want war right now but…” My heart raced as I laid my hands to his still-alien chest. “For right now, can’t I spend as much time with my best friend as I can?”

He nodded. “Yeah, definitely.” He pressed his forehead to mine. “I guess I hadn’t realized that possibility. That I’d never see you again. I mean… you died and we still found each other. If that isn’t beating the odds, I don’t know what is.” He let out a breath as I slid my hands up and around his neck, fitting perfectly in his carapace. “Just remember, I’ve got your six, always. The moment they release you, I want to be the first you call.”

I laughed and nodded against his soft, sandpapery crest. “If at all possible, I will.” I pulled back to catch his gaze, still feeling a shiver run down my spine from his eyes. “I mean, look around. Who else is here from SR-1? Besides Tali.”

“Point taken. Though everyone had their own agenda, too. Wrex is Clan Leader, and trying to get krogans to calm down is a full-time job, as we’ve seen from visiting Tuchanka. Liara had her own information business to keep running, and we managed to make her Shadow Broker from the information, also a full-time job. And Kaidan… is just a massive bag of dicks, again if I’ve used that correctly.”

I let out a huff of a laugh. “Yes, you did.” At this point in time, he was a massive bag of dicks. I died and was dead for about two years. And he thought that I could have just called him to let him know I was alive? I couldn’t wrap my head around his reasoning. Yeah, sure, they totally have phone a friend in the afterlife. Let me just get right on that. I pressed my lips together at a wave of fresh pain from the migraine. “Mm, though a shower right now would be fantastic, just so I can sleep sooner.”

“You’ve read my mind. Though are you sure there’s enough room for a turian in there? You don’t have the biggest bathroom ever.”

I stepped away and took off the top of my under suit. At that point, all fucks were gone. “Get naked and we’ll find out.”

“And this is why we get along so well.”


	8. Chapter 8

The CIC was the first place to visit upon waking up. The migraine had vanished, and my muscles were only a little sore yet. The cybernetics were thankfully still working.

“Joker wishes to speak with you, Commander.”

I nodded to Kelly, passing by the private terminal. For once, the cockpit was quiet. The stillness was unnerving. “Joker?”

“Yeah Commander?” His chair turned around to face me.

“You wanted to see me?”

He nodded. “Yeah. About going back… we can take the long route if you want. I mean, no one says we have to go back to Citadel Space immediately. So long as we’re on the way back, right?” He tilted his head to the navigation system. “We have to restock in Omega. Maybe we get robbed.”

The corner of my mouth twitched upwards. “Joker…”

He tossed his hands up. “Hey, I’m just saying, things happen. And we do need to restock. After all that, the crew is half traumatized.”

I couldn’t deny that one. We could do some sort of side mission. For the sake of the crew’s mental well-being, of course. My personal physical gain had nothing to do with it.

Or at least I could give myself some extra time to believe that.

And if Hackett didn’t like it, he could send his men after me. The prick at least owed me a few days to myself for setting me up. He knew what sort of calls I would make. He knew of my history on Torfan.

“Set speed for half pace. We’ll get there when we get there.” I couldn’t help but reflect his grin. “If the Alliance that sent me there knowing my personnel record has a problem with it, they can find me. Eventually.”

“Aye aye Commander, en route to Omega.” He spun his chair back into place, and I took my leave. I circled around the Galaxy Map, heading to the elevator, feeling the shift in gravity as we entered FTL.

“Commander, Mordin would like to speak with you.”

I frowned and changed my route to the lab. I saw the salarian hard at work on something. “Need me for something, Mordin?”

“Ah, Shepard. Glad you stopped by.” He stopped working and looked up at me. “The oils worked well, I hope?”

I nodded. “So far so good. No reactions either.”

“I read new data as well. Fascinating studies. Seems all pairs react differently upon exposure. The subject requires more research. Perhaps you and Officer Vakarian—“

“Quit while you’re ahead.”

“Quite right. I’ve made another batch of the oil. Once it’s ready I’ll have it delivered to your quarters.”

I nodded. “So what studies have to read so far?”

“Some pairs reported no allergic reaction at all, while others have reported severe outbreaks. As I said, test subjects too rare. Too few couples willing to come forward yet, given stigma.”

There were some people, humans and turians alike, who had not gotten over the First Contact War. They treated the other species as inferior, and not worth the other’s time. The stigma was slowly dying, but pairings were still rare. It mainly was the allergic reaction fears that kept a large portion away, besides the fact their parents would disown them.

That wasn’t much of a problem in my case. Besides, we were just blowing off steam. It wasn’t as if it meant anything.

“Hopefully more civilians will have the time to devote to the studies.” I tilted my head with a smile. “Talk to you later, Mordin.”

He returned the nod. “Shepard.”

I retreated back to my cabin, checking my logs in the elevator to pass the time. There wasn’t much to occupy our time besides float from location to location. The military could bitch all they wanted to at our pace.

I swiped away the windows as I entered the cabin, the silence pressing against my ears. For hours, the walls had been proving just how much reverberation they had, leaving an eerie silence behind. We needed to rest, we knew that, but… fuck if aliens aren’t fascinating in and out of bed. Or in the shower. Or on the desk.

He had somehow untangled himself from the sheets before he passed out so he could go back down to his cot, walk of shame be damned. Hell, I could’ve sworn he strutted out of my door.

I couldn’t believe I hadn’t looked at him like that sooner. I just hadn’t been interested in sex until the stress became too much. I had put too much into who I became after I joined the military. I had no interest in ruining it with rumors of frivolity. I wanted it known that I earned what I had. And that I’d kill to protect it. I touched the grooves in my cheeks. Intimidation had gotten easier since I was rebuilt, but I had still kept some integrity.

Until I saw him again.

I sat in an armchair, watching the fish I had managed to keep alive. That had been it. We had been so close on the first mission, I hadn’t even noticed just how much. He was the one soldier who didn’t flinch at my harsh, realistic point of view. In fact, I was surprised with how akin to him I had felt, knowing he understood duty before anything else. I had learned in those few months that turian ways of life reflected so many of my own views.

That was when I had started inviting him to my quarters. That small little closet on the _Normandy SR-1_. A month into our mission chasing Saren, he started coming to see me weekly, just as I would go see him. Then, after another month, it became a few times a week, and the last month, it was every night after our shift was over. I never had a best friend before. Only people that relied on you and you relied on them. I wasn’t used to his militant loyalty, but I had no trouble accepting his friendship when we realized how alike we really were.

When I saw him after two years, knowing he was the first familiar face, everything I had felt came rushing back. Looking back on it, I hadn’t even realized the emotions had caused me to flirt with him, in our playful banter sort of way. I did wonder at the time what Miranda’s weird look had been. I hadn’t realized until afterward that it was probably one of the few times she had seen me smile.

And then to find out he was one of the only people to stay loyal to me and help me despite my employer? It was a no brainer on who I would pick to fight off my growing stress. In fact…

I bit my lip, pulling up my keyboard on my omni. I tapped open a message. _“I hope you’re not busy. I have something for you and it can’t wait.”_

It didn’t take long for him to respond. _“Something, hm? You got me at a good time. I’m not in the middle of anything… yet.”_

_“We’re still on shift, so get up here quick.”_

_“As you wish, Commander.”_

Mm, Commander, was it? If that was what he wanted, Commander Shepard he would get.


	9. N7: Lost Operative

“Are you sure you’re up for this?”

I eyed Joker as he positioned the Normandy over Lorek. He visibly shrank and held his hands up.

“Just saying, Commander.”

I sighed through my nose. “I know.” I held on to the back of his chair against a small aftershock of the gravity anchors. “Thanks for looking out for me.”

“From the word going around, I’m not the only one.”

“You were almost on my good side, Jeff.” I bit the inside of my cheek for a moment. “What is the word going around?”

“I don’t know if I should say with you geared up for the mission, what with your trigger finger and all.”

“Joker.”

“Alright!” He turned the chair around. “I heard through the Normandy’s grapevine that you haven’t been going to bed alone the past few nights.” He didn’t make eye contact. “And that you’ve been leaving post here and there.”

I crossed my arms, cocking a scarred brow. “Is that a fact?” We hadn’t made it public knowledge that it had been more than once. In the three nights since we had destroyed the collector base, it was true that I hadn’t retired alone. “Are there any other grapes of wisdom growing off that vine, or are they all sour and full of shit?”

He held up his hands again. “None of my business who you take to bed, Commander. I say do what makes you happy. If scales make you happy, anyway.”

I felt my mouth quirk up. “Keep your mouth shut, Soldier, and we’ll have no problems.”

He mimicked my grin. “Aye aye, Captain. The Hammerhead is ready for deployment to the surface.” 

* * *

 

I wasn’t sure how much more my shields could take. We were outflanked, and my indicators read that Morl’s shields were holding tight. One by one we picked off his Eclipse mercenary dogs until he was the only one left. I used my reave right as an overload shot was hit on Morl, shattering his shield and half of his armor.

Thane unloaded his clip while I reloaded mine, taking cover behind a cover of solid storage cases. A sound of pain made me check my sensors again, and it indicated his armor had been shattered. I grinned and stood, turning the reave on him again. This time he writhed in agony, his body twisting out of his control. I lined up a shot. “Later, bitch.” Right as he straightened again I took the shot, watching half his face go with the bullet.

“Excellent shot, Commander,” Thane rumbled as we left the cover of the crates. “However, I don’t think the commentary was necessary.”

“Thought it was spot on,” Garrus replied, holstering his sniper. “So Cerberus intel, huh?”

I nodded forward, disabling the charge on my heavy pistol. “Should be through the doors ahead. Though we should probably check out the other set. While the sensors aren’t picking up any other heat sources, no telling what else might be here.”

“I’ll go ahead and check,” Thane offered, keeping his machine gun handy. He gave a tilt of his head and slipped through the other set of doors.

I didn’t question him and hacked through the lock. I heard a faint click of the comms. I shut mine off as well. “What are you doing?”

“What I’ve always done? What do you mean?”

I followed the pins carefully. “You don’t have to defend everything I do.”

“I didn’t realize I was doing anything I hadn’t already done.”

The lock buzzed at me when I crossed the wrong pins. I cussed and took in a deep breath.

“Shepard, what the hell is wrong?”

I turned around and saw he had kept a respectable distance away, his assault rifle in hand ready for emergency cover. “This.” I gestured between us. “This is wrong.”

He stalked over to me in a way that even my solid stance almost wavered. Without even touching me he took over the lock controls and hacked them with ease. Once opened he did grab my arm and showed me just why turians usually won in the strength department. Once inside the door closed and he hacked the lock once more. “Care to tell me what has gotten into you?” He gestured between us this time. “What do you mean this is wrong? You had a different opinion just last night. Unless you were screaming for some other reason.”

I clenched my jaws together. “People know.”

“So what?” He crossed his arms. “What, are you ashamed of fucking a turian?”

“No.”

“So what is really wrong here?”

It wasn’t fair that they were the apex predator when it came to space species. Their piercing gaze alone could render even the toughest marine frozen. When they were blue, it was exceptionally unfair.

He sighed. “Shepard, we still are friends, aren’t we?”

“Of course. Nothing’s changed with that.”

“Then what is so wrong with what we’re doing?” He tilted his head, still keeping his unwavering gaze on mine. “I thought humans had become overall more comfortable with their sexual partners as they progressed in the last century.”

“We have. Most people are pansexual these days.” I took a deep breath, steadying myself. “I’m just not used to something like this. I’ve always put duty before anything else. Missions came first. I don’t even have a home to return to. I’m always on a ship. My shore leaves are brief. I get whatever supplies I need and I return to the ship. I don’t keep friends, and I sure as hell don’t take them to bed.” I let out a heavy breath. “Or at least I didn’t.”

He let out a soft huff of a laugh. “Is that all?”

I narrowed my eyes.

“Shepard, you just perfectly described my entire military career.” He shook his head and visibly relaxed. “You know more than anyone what it’s like to be a turian. To put duty before your own happiness.”

I felt the tension start to melt from my spine. “It’s easy when you have nothing to begin with.”

“I suppose it does. It’s also easy when it’s ground into your brain since birth from your father and the rest of your militant race.”

For the first time since he tossed me into the room, I finally took in the surroundings. An examination chair was doused in blood, as was one of the walls, where the agent must have been executed. “I think we need to take up that mantle again and get what we came for.” I nodded towards a body on the medical table nearby. “Safe to say that’s our guy.”

Garrus nodded and turned back to the door to let Thane in upon his return from scouting out the facility. “From the posture, looks like he was tossed aside. We must have interrupted their disposal.”

“Shepard,” Thane called from the communicator.

I turned the comm unit back on. “Copy. Anything interesting?”

“Just a bit of platinum. The rest of the facility is clear. Should I take the resources we’ve found back to the Hammerhead?”

“Roger that. We’ll meet you there once we get the information extracted from the computers.”

“Understood Commander.”

I took another look around the room, finding a computer terminal. “There it is.” I accessed the terminal using the account still active. There was no doubt that we had interrupted them. I wasn’t exactly sure what I was looking at, however. I tapped into the comm again. “EDI, can you analyze this data?”

“Accessing now. My scanners show that the data could potentially do great damage to Cerberus’ reputation if the information was leaked. What would you like to do with this data, Shepard?”

I let my smirk loose once more. “Let’s keep it. We never know what we’ll need in the future.”

“Understood, Commander. Uploading data now. Will that be all?”

“Thank you, EDI. That’s it.” I severed the link as I watched the upload link gradually increase. From the time remaining, there was an hour left. Whatever was on the computer was large, even for EDI’s scanners.

“Trying to screw over the Illusive Man even further?”

“Why not?”

I turned at his hum of amusement. “Typical human philosophy. Simplistic yet straight to the point.”

“I don’t keep these scars for nothing.” I crossed my arms and tilted my head to the body. “What do you think we should do here?”

“Should we call someone?”

“Cerberus knows he’s here. Besides, last I checked, organic material disintegrates.”

“True enough.” He looked at the scan progress. “Might take awhile. We’ll be anchored for the remainder of the upload. Should we see if Thane missed anything?”

“I doubt he’d miss much.” I shrugged and stepped away from the terminal. “Wouldn’t hurt though. Never know what sort of resources we’ll need for the upcoming invasion. Might be some tech upgrades laying around.” I tapped the comm unit. “Thane, do you copy?”

“Affirmative, Commander.”

“EDI is extracting the data from the terminal. Scanner says just about an hour. We’re going to take another sweep of the building to see if there’s anything at all tech-wise we could use. Take the Hammerhead back to the ship. I’ll call for extraction once the area is completely secured.”

“Understood, Commander. Maintaining radio silence until then.”

I heard the comm click off, leaving me to shut off my audio as well. “Shall we?”

He opened the door. “After you, Commander.”

I took the lead, keeping my pistol ready just in case there was anything hostile still in the building. Given Cerberus’ interest in experimentation, I wouldn’t put anything past them. I could understand them being all for the advancement of the human race, but their ways about it were completely unethical. Even as ruthless as I was, I was above what they were doing to try to get their ways. Which was why I was proud to destroy that reaper and ship, and I didn’t hesitate to tell the Illusive Man to fuck himself. And why I slept better at night knowing I had freed the young man David from his horrifying captivity. We could advance alongside the other species who had so graciously let us into the council, even before the Volus and Elcor.

I couldn’t understand why we needed to do it on our own. Why? Why try to do it all on our own when the other races had been space-faring for much longer than we had? When the other species had known how to harness the mass effect generators and relays long before we even discovered our own beyond Pluto? What made us so damn special?

I stopped at a medical station inside the barracks, emptying out the supplies inside. Karin was going to need all the supplies she could get. Supplier be damned. Or dead. Whichever worked in our favor.

I heard the door close behind Garrus as he entered the domicile as well. “Not too shabby for a terrorist organization.”

“Usually isn’t. Cerberus isn’t about to set their scientists up in crap if they’re researching something important. I’m sure the mercs took it over not too long ago.” I rolled my neck at a sudden twinge, feeling it resonate down my spine in pain.

“Something wrong?”

I hadn’t realized I had hissed in response to the discomfort. “Still a little sore, I guess. From the base, anyway.”

“Carrying all those guns can’t be good for you right now.”

I let out a laugh and closed the supply cabinet. “I’m a big tough marine; I can handle it.”

His hum said he believed otherwise.

“What? It’s not like I haven’t been through worse. I did die already.”

His eyes still showed amusement. “True, but you don’t feel anything after that, so I figure. You’re alive and lit up with cybernetics littering your nerves and muscles. All living creatures feel pain and discomfort.”

It was my turn to hum. I took the time to scan the room, finding a wall safe nearby. “As true as that may be, I’ll be fine. Just a few more days to relax and I’ll be back to normal.” I heard a latch unclasping, turning my attention from the safe. He was taking off his gauntlets. “Getting comfortable, Vakarian?”

“In a way.” He unlatched the other one. “We are here for an hour.”

“45 minutes now.”

“45 minutes. Whatever.” He pried off his gloves. “Might as well make the best of it. Not like the facility is large. I’m sure anything else here is worthless. We’ve already cleared the lab and now the barracks. What’s next, robbing their kitchen of their nutrients?”

I laughed as I cracked the safe. “No, I think we’re good here.” I pulled out 3,600 credits. “Well that was basically a waste.”

“Still something. You can afford to replace your fish now.”

“Ha ha. Not like they’d have much purpose for long.” I looked to him, seeing his features fall just slightly as he caught on. I was getting just a bit better at reading his facial expressions. I nodded to him, clearing my throat. “Planning on staying awhile?”

“Or something else.” He sat on the edge of one of the bunks, his legs spread open. “How bad does it hurt? Honestly? Cut the bullshit.”

He was always good to call me out. The twinge rose again, and no amount of stretching would aid it. “Alright, it’s been excruciating all over. I don’t have a particular spot.” Ever since the base, I had been hearing crackling every time I stretched certain ways, mostly in my neck and lower back. There wasn’t much that could be done about it besides wait for the cybernetics to heal the pain. However, since it wasn’t actually muscle, nerve, or skeletal damage, the cybernetics did nothing to aid it. Like cheap health insurance, it couldn’t do what it actually needed to do. “What about it?”

“I may know a thing or two that could help.”

I could have sworn I saw his browplates arch suggestively. Most likely he actually had. As I said, I was starting to understand. “I’m open to suggestions. What do you have in mind?”

“Obviously one of those suggestions wouldn’t exactly help, since it hasn’t been helping apparently. Most likely it’s done the opposite, considering some of the positions I put you in.”

I let out a hum of a laugh but humored him. I rested my weight on one leg, popping out my hip. “I did say I had flexibility on my side.”

His amusement came out as a soft purr. “Which I’m fully aware of now, as you should be of my reach.” He gestured to my armor. “Guns and armor won’t help with what I’ve got in mind.”

It was my turn for my brow to arch. “Is that so?” I wanted to draw it out, but my back suddenly seized painfully, making me hiss in a breath through my teeth. “Fine. You win.” I took off the grenade launcher first, it being the heaviest thing on my person. Next came the heavy pistol, the sniper rifle, the shotgun, and the machine gun. Was it all necessary? Yes. Yes it was.

To another pile went the upper portion of my armor. I kept everything below the waist on. While my legs were sore as well, they didn’t threaten to seize up like my back had done. All the while he sat patiently, watching with curiosity as the armor came off. The process alone took up a few minutes, but he didn’t seem to mind.

Once everything was set aside, I put my hands to my hips. “Alright, what now?”

He pointed to the floor between his legs. “Now you shut up and let me do something for you.”

For once I didn’t tease him for giving his commander a direct order. I did as he asked and I immediately felt his taloned hands on my shoulders, putting the right amount of pressure to make the nerves below erupt in both pain and pleasure at the same time. He gently but firmly gripped my arms, sending the neural network below into a frenzy as his grip traveled down to my elbows, and then back up. I couldn’t stop a sigh from leaving my lips as he traveled slowly back up, making the blood flow a bit faster through my veins. Even through the undersuit it still felt great due to his natural strength. However, my problems weren’t all in my arms.

His thumbs met at the base of my neck and he dragged his soft-scaled digits along the sides. I felt almost a million bubbles pop under his touch.

He chuckled. “By your purrs I’m doing well.”

I couldn’t answer him. For once, he really had shut me up. I hadn’t realized how much tension I had been carrying until that very moment. When he started to put pressure on my back, along my spine, it almost felt too good. I just wished the undersuit wasn’t there. And that we were back on the ship. And that he would forever just touch every square centimeter of my body. There was no way I could ever return the favor for something like this.

“So what’s really bothering you, Shepard? The collectors are dead and you destroyed their forsaken human reaper attempt. You’ve been extremely stressed ever since we got out of the Omega-4 Relay. Everyone else has been optimistic.”

“Everyone else isn’t awaiting trial on their home planets for a choice they had no control over.” I moaned against a particular sore spot, both in pain and relief. “Everyone else has a home or a duty to go home to. I have a cell to look forward to.”

“I’m sorry, Shepard. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

“Don’t worry. It’s fine.” My head dipped forward as he came back up to it. I mulled over the rest before continuing. “And what if they’ll just construct another human reaper? I mean, EDI said that they had used tens of thousands of humans just to create what Miranda, Tali, and I saw. What’s to stop them from starting the project all over?”

“You are what’s to stop them. You’re stubborn enough to stand in their way to protect humanity. Their salvation through destruction phrasing is crap and everyone knows it. At least everyone who knows of the threat to begin with knows it’s crap. We just need more people to believe there is an imminent threat incoming, and that we need to do something about it.”

“Fat chance on that one. All the space-faring species, all the species that we know of, they’ll die of ignorance and indifference before they have a chance to formulate an escape plan.”

“Meaning they’ll need you more than ever now. Maybe being on Earth for awhile will be beneficial to all.”

“Maybe.” It wasn’t exactly a topic I wanted to discuss and asked him to drop it for now. He did so without a word, choosing to instead focus on one part of my back that I made the most reaction to.

I frowned at my omni as an incoming message came through. My stomach dropped as I saw it was from the higher-ups at the Alliance.

They were finally calling me to come home to stand trial.

He wordlessly withdrew, allowing us both to put our armor back on. I wasn’t sure how much time had passed until my omni-tool indicated there was only 10% left to the upload. Without a word we put our gear back on and left to the extraction zone. By that time, the upload had completed. Before we boarded the Hammerhead, he nudged my arm for attention. “I’ll be up late to finish what I started. I promise. Think of it as a parting gift.”

“I’ll hold you to that, Vakarian.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good stuff coming next chapter.


	10. En Route to Earth

I left the CIC for the night, retiring to the elevator. I had requested dinner brought to my quarters. I wasn’t particularly in the mood to tell my crew I was being potentially court-martialed and even more potentially stripped of my colors. It may have been the last time to see them all together, but I couldn’t bring myself to bring it up again. One it wasn’t in my nature to rely on anyone, and two, I didn’t like people worrying about me.

Due to that, I turned off my communicator as well as my personal computer as soon as I entered my cabin. I had already told EDI not long ago to turn off both audio and visual to the cabin unless I used her specific terminal. With her now being rogue, I had figured she’d disobey, but she was doing well. So far as I knew. An AI can be wherever it wants to be when it wants to be. I’d have to ask Tali to see if she could remove my cabin from her visuals for good.

As promised, my rations were waiting for me on the desk in my sitting area. I prodded it with a fork, half expecting it to move. We weren’t running low on rations; I had made sure we stocked up again before we left Omega last. However, Rupert had picked up an “interesting” Japanese dish when we were last at the Citadel. After seeing the Ichiban stand, I at least had to give him credit. At least this looked edible, albeit a little on the raw side for fish.

Then again, if I got food poisoning, it would at least delay our trip to the Sol System a little longer. There were a few relays we had to take, so anchoring anywhere in between would have worked in our favor. But, food poisoning or not, Rupert had once again made something a lot more than edible. I didn’t even want to imagine what he would have done this entire time without the special spices and ingredients I had picked up for him.

I set the plate aside once I had my fill and prepared for bed.

My reflection caught my attention after I spit out toothpaste foam. I traced some of the cybernetic scars that created a sort of net-like shape, always expecting to feel some sort of robotic heat between the cracks. Only normal body temperature rose. My irises were starting to show again, but they were still engulfed in red fire. I found I didn’t much miss the green. At least now it was much easier to intimidate someone. It saved me quite a few bullets and knee-cap shooting.

Thanks Cerberus, for doing me at least that favor.

I attempted to straighten up, but my spine apparently didn’t like that idea. I had a sudden sharp pain shoot down my spinal column, rendering me immobile for a nanosecond before it spread out into my back. I’d have to remember to ask Karin for some more painkillers.

As I left the bathroom I tried stretching out, but that didn’t help. If anything, I ended up worse. Not willing to risk anything more, I started for the bed.

I made it to the last step when my cabin door opened up. I frowned as I turned around, but almost instantly remembered the mission a few hours earlier.

“Sorry I’m so late. Repairs on the cannons are taking a little longer than I would like. Not that I mind the interruptions.”

I let an amused huff sift through my nose. “All is forgiven. Not like you could have warned me anyway. I turned off the comms for the night.”

Garrus tilted his head as he joined me in the sitting area, though for some reason we remained vertical. “Radio silence? Highly unlike you. Though given the circumstances, I suppose I’d do the same.” He looked around my room. “You at least kept everything intact. A few of my belongings would be shattered by now.”

I cracked a small smile. “As stupid of a call it is, I’m accepting it with as much grace as I can.” I winced at another twinge in my back. “I’d say hurry up and get naked, but I’m not really in the best shape to be tossed around tonight.”

He let out an amused hum and nodded to the bed. “I’m here only as a friend tonight. You’ve been complaining of sore muscles since we left the collector base. Even now you’re in pain.”

I shrugged and moved to the bed, hooking a leg under myself as I sat. “Nothing a few doses of pain medication won’t fix.”

He didn’t join me on the bed. In fact, his eyes were trained on where we had stored the oils Mordin had made. “In between repairs, I started to look up what might be causing your pain. Stress was what added up the most.”

“Which makes sense. But not much I can do about that.” I pulled my other leg up, resting my chin to my knee.

He gave a light laugh. “Yes, your face is all we need to see to know that. Usually that would be an insult but…”

I smiled. “Shut up, leather-butt.”

I noticed his smile as well. Turians mainly showed their smiles through their eyes, if you couldn’t see beyond the mandible. It was what made his doubly attractive. “And here I was about to offer a remedy.”

“If sex hasn’t cured it by now, I don’t know what will.”

“There may be something. If you trust me, that is.”

“Of course I do.”

He nodded to the bed. “Take off your shirt and lay down on your chest then. Keep your eyes closed.”

I quirked a brow, but didn’t question his orders. I was already down to a tank top and shorts, so that wasn’t very hard to follow. I flipped over and kept my eyes closed like he asked.

I heard a bit of shuffling, but held to his commands. I genuinely was curious what he would do next. Which was why I jumped when a bit of the cold oil hit my back.

“Sorry. A little colder than I thought it was.”

“A little warning next time, Vakarian.” He made up for it by running his strong, scaly hands through the oil, spreading it out while applying just a bit of pressure. Instantly my flesh erupted in response.

“Tell me if I’m too rough, okay?”

“Actually a bit more and you’re perfect.” I groaned in relief as he increased his pressure just the slightest. As his palms traveled up my back, it forced a heavy moan from my lungs. When he reached my shoulders he switched to his fingers, dragging back down. I felt him pull away for a brief moment just to apply a little more oil.

His scales didn’t chafe my skin as much as we had first anticipated. At least his softer skin didn’t. The plates did, which made us a little more cautious with a few positions. This though… I could get used to it.

He must have studied human muscle structure at some point. The way he followed every grain, every ache, it was almost as if I was at a professional. If I knew how that felt. Given how good of a job Garrus was doing, I wouldn’t trust myself to not make the sounds I was in a professional setting.

He didn’t seem to mind them. In fact, he used them to pinpoint problem spots, areas that almost felt bruised when he touched them. He used the hissing groans I let out to focus on the spot until the hiss would vanish.

When he pulled away next, I felt oil spill onto each of my legs. When he ran his hands up the backs of my thighs, I hadn’t realized how much pain they were actually in. I hissed again, this time twitching almost out of his grip.

“Did I hurt you?”

I wanted to chuckle at his concern, but my head was so light I had trouble forming thoughts. I couldn’t open my eyes even if I wanted to. “Yes, but in a good way. If it really hurts I’ll tell you.”

“Please do. I don’t want to damage you. Not like this.”

I purred as he kept going, following the grain of my thighs. Usually I would have a smart retort for him, but not then. I had never felt so light. I felt him shift to my left leg, keeping his focus there. His thumbs flowed over the skin due to the oil, working out knots I hadn’t even known existed. I put up with the pain, since it was helping more than anything. His fingers flowed down to my calves, once again forcing me to flinch. Since I said nothing, he kept going.

I didn’t know how I was going to repay him for what he was giving me. His hands were fully capable of doing this for me, but there was no way I could do this for him. His back was hard muscle, and a lot of it made of the heavy plates and thicker skin of his species. Even if the scales weren’t a problem, turian muscles were thicker and ropier than human muscles.

Maybe I could buy him an hour at a professional? No, that wouldn’t work. I’d just have to find something that worked. There was a rumor that turians had a secret pleasure spot under their horns, as well as more sensitivity in their sides. I wasn’t sure how accurate this was, but given their species’ fascination with fringes and waists, I’d at least try anything.

By then he had moved on to the right leg. This time though, he followed through to the ankle. He held my leg up, stretching it just slightly as he moved on to the heel. “Where the hell did you find the time to learn all this?” I muttered.

“Well we did have quite a bit of time in between missions. I was curious about humans, just as I’m sure you were curious about us. One search led me to human massage techniques.” I heard him clear his throat as he ran his oiled hands over the arch of my foot. “One site in particular usually ended up in sex.”

I snorted into my folded arms. “Welcome to the extranet, where porn runs rampant.” He set my leg down and did the same to the other. “Though I wouldn’t say no if that’s how this ends.”

He gave his amused hum again. “We’ll see what happens.”

I remained silent the rest of the time he worked, mirroring what he had done to the right leg. I couldn’t believe how much better I felt, and I hadn’t even moved. I felt his weight shift. He asked me to sit up straight, which I did with a little difficulty. Hard to do something when you can’t find your head. He sat behind me, propping his legs up on either side of me. He reached for the oil again and I felt it drip down my shoulders. He spread it around, and I let out a moan as he passed over my chest, to the dip between my deltoid and pectoral muscles.

I wasn’t expecting it to feel that good. Then again, having things weighing down your chest at all times can wear you down. Hell, it was actually getting me aroused it felt that good. It broke through my calm haze, making me want to purr in response. He dipped lower, running his grip over the dips of my breasts, not doing much more than that. It was all I needed, really.

He pulled away again, a little longer than before. Just as I was about to see what he was doing, he started up again, keeping attention on my sore chest. He shifted a little closer, letting me feel his bare chest against my back, his keelbone resting between my shoulder blades.

“Mmn, I thought you came up here as a friend?”

“I also said we’d see how things go.” He ran his grip over the back of my neck, making my head tilt forward. “How are you feeling now?”

“Much better.” I felt a few bubbles trapped between my muscles pop, letting me moan again. “Are you sure I’m the only human you’ve been with?”

“I just do extensive research in my spare time. Don’t tell me no one’s done this for you before.”

I shook my head. “I didn’t let anyone close enough to.”

His hands glided back down my chest, over my breasts, cupping them in his grip. “I’m honored you trust me so much with this.”

“I’ll trust you with a lot more if you keep doing that.”

He did as asked, following the slope of my chest just until he could grip my breasts, and then repeated the motion. “I’m starting to see the fascination with these… They’re entertaining and pleasurable at the same time.”

I couldn’t stop my huff of a laugh. “Why entertaining? You know what they really are, right?”

“Yes, things to feed your offspring, full of fatty tissue and other things. Doesn’t make them less entertaining.”

“You could give a human man a run for his money.”

He licked the side of my neck, his breath tickling my ear. “You’ve told me you’ve been ruined for human men due to me. I think I’m allowed to indulge in one of their interests during sex.”

Turians didn’t have much in the ways of foreplay. They had sex for pleasure, sure, but it was more sex than foreplay. Females didn’t have a clit like we did. They only got their pleasure through penetration. They didn’t have tits, and their sharp teeth would for sure not allow for oral. At least not to a receiving male. The fact that he was patient enough to enjoy it meant a lot. It at least meant he was still interested in keeping me in bed. At least for the time being.

I hadn’t even noticed one of his hands slip down my belly, over taught muscle. His fingers slipped under the waistband of my shorts and panties, making me realize how horny he had made me.

His breath hitched in my ear. “Spirits, Shepard, you’re radiating heat.” His thick finger stroked my clit, keeping attention on the bud. Each pass made another gasp leave me. He had already had me so wound up.

I had to reach up, holding on to his neck. I needed to grip something to keep me stable. The other hand rested over his arm, feeling his alien muscles twitch with each stroke. Liquid fire seeped from his fingers, radiating to all my nerve endings. My core felt so tight I almost couldn’t breathe. My hips started to seek out his fingers, my sighs becoming whimpers. “Fuck, Vakarian…”

“Mmm, that’s right, come for me.” His subharmonic growl almost did me in. The rumble of it right in my ear sent a shock right down to my clit.

My whimpers grew into heavy cries, coming faster each time. I was almost there…

“Come so I can fuck you…”

That was my trigger. I almost screamed as I came, rubbing my hips against his finger just as much as he was moving against me. My grip around his neck tightened as I shuddered, my breath leaving me in winded whimpers. We both slowed down, though I jerked every once in a while as I came back down, trying to remember how to breathe.

I didn’t have time to recover completely. He used his position behind me to bend me over. I allowed it. I needed it. He almost ripped my shorts as he yanked them down. I heard his buckles jingling as he unfastened just what he needed. It didn’t take long, only a few seconds, but those few seconds were torture. I begged him to fill me up.

He didn’t need to be asked twice. His hands gripped my waist tight, his cock rubbing against my slit until he knew he could force himself inside my still-tight walls. We both let out a satisfied groan, instantly losing ourselves to pleasure. His thrusts were deep and quick, full of need. Each one was met with a feral grunt, and each one forced a moan from my chest. I felt him push as far as he could go, stretching me right up against his knot.

I had to reach for one of my pillows to lean on. His thrusts were pushing me into the mattress. My moans became cries as I felt my muscles start to clench up. I gripped the pillow tight, knowing if I held it any tighter it would rip. My muscles finally seized up, but he didn’t stop. Instead he fucking _growled_. His grip on my waist increased so much I was glad he filed down his claws.

His subharmonics took over his voice. “I won’t last if you do that…”

“I don’t care.” I felt another orgasm ripple to the surface. “Oh god, don’t stop.”

He was going so fast and hard, pushing as far as he could go each time. There was no slowing him down. He gently bit my ear, running his tongue over the lobe. The shock of it forced me to rock back on him, meeting his thrusts. “Fuck, Shepard… I can’t—“ He growled again and pushed harder than usual.

We both stopped for only a moment as his knot popped inside. And that was only to both moan at the same time. I was held down immediately as his strokes became so deep, since he was unable to pull out. He took in a sharp hiss of breath. I felt his hot ropes of seed as his body jerked slightly with each pulse.

I took the time to try and catch my breath. I rested my head against the pillow, my chest heaving.

“Shit,” he breathed. I felt his grip loosen on my waist, but he still kept it there. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to do that.” He shivered again.

“So that’s what it feels like.”

“Mmn, yes. Just give me a minute before I can pull out. Hopefully you won’t go into anaphylaxis from it.”

“This is what showers are for.” I had just realized that the entire time, I hadn’t looked at him once. I tilted my head back, seeing him also struggling for breath. “I’ll be fine.”

“I’m sure.” He gave a quick tug of his hips, letting him come back out with an inaudible pop. I shifted back to my knees and he tugged my shoulder, indicating I face him. He tilted my head to him. “Feeling better now?”

I nodded and kissed him, feeling him press back. “Though we do have about 72 hours before we reach Earth…”

He chuckled. “Give me an hour and maybe I can go again.” He tilted his head towards the front of my cabin. “In the meantime, let’s hit the showers. As much as I’d like to cover you in blue, I’d rather not risk you dying on me. Not until we see more case studies evolve.”

I sighed. “Fine. I can’t deny reasonable requests like that.” I stood when he did, watching him retreat into the bathroom to start the showerhead. He did make me feel much better, both in muscles and in pleasure.

I’d have to get him to do it all again before I would be locked away for who knows how long?


	11. Chapter 11

We were pulling into the Sol System within the hour. Notice had been put ahead. I had decided hiding in the main battery was a better use of my time than being in the CIC. They knew their way. I sat on the crates off to the side as Garrus continued fixing the rest of the damage.

“Just a few more tweaks once we’re in port and they’ll be back online.” He locked the console and leaned his hip against it. “The rest of the algorithms and targeting systems are back.”

“Very good, soldier.” I leaned against the wall, folding my arms over my chest. I couldn’t stop my heart from hammering.

“You’ll be fine, Shepard.”

I blew out a harsh breath to the ceiling. “Why doesn’t it feel like it?”

“Because bureaucratic assholes are in charge of this farce.” I heard him let out a sharp breath. “Turian law would reward you as a hero. Then again, we know how the Batarians actually operate.”

“They don’t want backlash. They still won’t admit to the existence of the Reapers, but they also don’t want to start a war right now. Not with how new we still are to the Council.”

I felt him sit next to me on the crates, but I kept my eyes closed and turned towards the ceiling. “Shepard, you’ll be fine. And I’m just a comlink away.”

“Alliance military screens everything, outgoing and incoming.”

“I’ll be sure to keep the pillow talk to a minimum then.”

I let out a huff of a laugh to the ceiling. “Shut up, Vakarian.”

I felt his hand on my leg. “That’s right, I forgot. Wouldn’t consider what we say pillow talk, huh?”

I nudged his shoulder, leaning on it. “I’m going to miss you, Garrus.”

“If death hasn’t torn us apart, I don’t think a detention center is going to do it.” He shrugged. “Besides, next time you see me the scars will finally be healed up enough that I won’t need the bandages.” He moved a bit to put his arm over my shoulders. “I know how much they drive you wild.”

I let out a hum. “I haven’t seen you shy away from mine.”

“Excuse me that scars are a huge turn-on for Turians.” He pressed his avian lips to my hair. “Everything will work out fine. I mean, do you think they’ll keep you locked up once the Reapers actually do hit?”

My blood ran cold. “Don’t. If that’s the only reason they let me out…”

“Understood.”

The comm clicked on. _“Commander, we’re pulling up to the docks in Vancouver.”_

“Understood, Joker.” I sighed and got up from the crates. “Time to face the inevitable.”

He got up as well. He held out his hand and I took it. I wasn’t expecting him to cover it with the other. “No matter what, I’ll still be out there. It’s been an honor serving with you, Commander.” He tilted his head. “And under you. And on top of you. And—“

I laughed. “Yeah, yeah, I get it.” I nudged his chest with my free hand. “See you around, Garrus.”

He let go of my hand. “Do you want me to walk with you?”

I shook my head. “I’d rather not have you see me led away in cuffs.”

“I suppose not.” He stepped up to me, his head tilted down. “Though I’ll keep it in mind to have a set next time we meet.”

I heard the engines die down as the gravity shifted, letting me know we had docked. “Stop making me want to stay.”

“I can’t help it. Blame the military blood in me.” He cleared his throat and stepped away. “You might want to leave before I say anything else to keep you.”

I took a deep breath. “Right. I mean, court-martialed is bad enough. I don’t think they’d appreciate me putting it off any longer.” I stepped into the doorway. “Good-bye, Garrus.”

He nodded. “Good-bye, Shepard.”

The door closed behind me, making me take another breath. “Let’s get this over with.”


	12. Chapter 12

As it turns out, being in lockdown in the detention center of the Alliance Military was cushier that I would have imagined. A lot more to my liking. I was missing combat terribly. Working out only did so much to curb my anxiety.

Over six months of being in containment, I lost all of my cybernetic scarring. There was nothing to rile my anger enough to bring them back.

“I did no such thing.”

_“Deny it all you want, Shepard, but some of those drunken escapades aboard the Normandy were the highlights of our evenings.”_

I rested my head on my hand, looking out the window. “You’re one to talk.”

_“Oh don’t even try to make it seem like I was any worse than you.”_

I laughed a bit. “I blame Kasumi. She fed me more alcohol than was needed.”

His hum of amusement told me he didn’t believe me. _“I’m sure she was the one tipping all those drinks back down your throat.”_

“I blame her for many things. It’s why she became one of my good friends. I like her sass.”

_“Shepard, language.”_

I rolled my eyes. “I said sass, not ass. Besides, hers isn’t what I was looking at.”

His hum rumbled through the commlink again. _“I would hope so.”_ He was interrupted on his end, and I strained to listen to the background chatter.

_“Officer Vakarian, sir, you’re needed immediately in the Primarch’s chambers.”_

_“What does he need me for?”_

I could hear alarm in both their voices. I knew the Primarch was the head-honcho of the turians. What would he want with Garrus?

_“It’d be best if he told you, sir.”_

_“Tell him I’ll be on my way immediately.”_ He waited a few moments, most likely for the other turian to leave. _“I’m sorry we’ll have to cut this short. Something came up. I’ll message you the moment I can.”_

I nodded even though I knew he couldn’t see. “Understood. Be careful out there, okay?”

_“As much as I can. Over and out, Shepard.”_

I heard the comlink click off and I closed my omni-tool. We hadn’t spoken in code; we didn’t need the Alliance asking me anything at all. It was easier just to slip back into the casual friendship we had before we had explored any other options. It didn’t mean I didn’t worry about him, though.

“Commander Shepard?”

I looked to the door, not having heard it open. A large man entered, one I was slowly becoming more familiar with. “Lieutenant Commander, to what do I owe this visit? And you’re not supposed to address me as such, remember? I’m not a commander anymore.” The last part was added a bit more bitterly than I intended.

He had come wearing no armor, just civvies that still let everyone know he was a solider, especially with the dog tags. Despite my statement, he still saluted. “Ma’am. I came to discuss something with you about the Reapers.”

That caught my attention. The Alliance had dismissed all my claims, save for Hackett and Anderson, but they couldn’t convince the rest otherwise. I knew a few soldiers believed me as well, but this was a surprise. Not many of the higher ranks laid their cards on my table. I sat at the table they had provided in my room. “What’s on your mind, Vega?”

James hesitantly took the seat opposite of mine. I knew it was because I had been a hero of war to him, an inspiration for a very long time. I suppose sitting with your idol was a lot harder than sitting with another soldier. “I just wanted you to know I believe you, Shepard. I saw… something. On Fehl Prime.”

That piqued my interest. Fehl Prime had been a human colony in the Terminus systems. From what I was caught up on, there was an Alliance Special Tasks Force that had been assigned to the colony to protect it from any further Blood Pack attacks. “What did you see, Vega?”

His eyes grew pained. “How do you do it so calmly? Make choices for the better of all races?”

“I put the mission first, always.” I kept my arms crossed, my face remaining neutral.

“I read about Torfan. I read about Saren and the ship Sovereign. About all the lives sacrificed.” He cleared his throat. “And, I know first-hand the horrors faced on a collector ship.”

My attention was gained back immediately. “What did you see, Soldier?” I had been so busy on my own mission, I hadn’t looked too far in to all the reports of the colonies that had gone missing. They were all the same, and so I stopped looking. I hadn’t read about Fehl Prime.

He handed me a file I hadn’t seen him come in with. “This was the official statement I had put in a month ago.” I looked through it as he continued to talk. “All the guilt I felt afterward was crippling. I had let so many perish due to my choices. There was a little girl, April. She was one of the victims of the crash.”

I kept my attention on the file, absorbing the information. I knew why he didn’t want to discuss details of the mission. Not when Alliance were listening at all times. And an official report made it easier for me to trust his words. The task force was assigned to the colony for two years, not long after reports had risen of my death. The base was assaulted by the collectors, just as the others had been. James reported his team had been taken or killed in action. I read on through the gruesome details, seeing he had been taken aboard the ship in one of the capsules. They had been double-crossed.

“How can you keep to the mission, even it if means countless deaths?”

“You try to not think about it.” He had unsealed the pods, but left to go after information that would have told the Alliance everything about the Collectors and the Reapers. “You did good work, Vega.” I closed the file and slid it back to him. “The lives of many over the lives of the few.”

He nodded solemnly.

“Even if the lives of the few are children.” I stared him down. “This is what it means to be in this war. People will die. Age does not matter to the Reapers, or the Collectors. You have to accept that fact.”

He slammed his fist to the table and stood. “That’s not good enough!”

I hadn’t flinched. Instead I raised a brow. “Do you really believe you can save them all?” I continued to stare at him as his breath quickened. “James, this is war. Before this,” I gestured to the file, “had you ever been in combat where you lost some, if not all of your squad?”

His lips pressed together.

“I see.” I leaned back in my chair. “You said you read my file from Torfan, correct?” I waited for him to nod. “Do you understand why I made the call I did?”

“The Skyllian Blitz.” He tilted his head down. “I understand the retaliation, but did all the batarians need to be killed?”

I nodded. “You don’t understand how the batarians work. They are ruthless slavers. If I let the ones who had surrendered live, they would have eventually been released right back into a life of crime. I wasn’t about to let them go.”

“Which was why you let the relay destroy the batarian colonies?”

“Evacuation would not have saved them. All evidence pointed to Reaper indoctrination to everyone involved on Project Base. I needed to stop everyone involved. There is no coming back from indoctrination. Those converted will eventually die as it is. However, I was not willing to risk the galaxy just to save the colony.”

“You’re not helping your standing, especially with the batarians.”

I stood then. “Tell me, Lieutenant Commander, how many dealings with batarians have you had?”

He went quiet.

“Their ways of life and cultures vary, but always lead to some form of corruption, in our eyes. Would you blame me if I wiped out krogans at the same pace?”

“You’ve shown that krogans can be reasoned with.”

“Exactly. But that comes from working with Urdnot Wrex, the eldest of clan Urdnot since he had killed his backstabbing father. He is currently working to unite the krogans into a race that will work together instead of fight amongst themselves. Tuchanka is currently making the same transition.” I walked over to the window, looking out over Vancouver. “Batarians have not shown me that willingness to work with other races, or with themselves.”

“But to label them all the same… Commander—“

“Until you fight them, you do not speak to me as if you know everything.” I ground my teeth, remembering a certain one. “Do you recall the name Tarak?”

“From my recollection, he was the leader of the Blue Suns division on Omega.”

“Exactly. Was.”

“I take it you had something to do with his death, same as the other leaders.”

I nodded to the window. “They were after a target I was sent to recruit. One going by the name Archangel.” I squared my shoulders. “Nothing comes between me and the mission, so I turned their robot against them for a diversion and managed to get to Archangel first. It turned out he was one of my former squadmates, and so the mission turned from extraction to rescue. Tarak used machine gun fire from a gunship. An A-61 Mantis, to be exact. My mission almost turned sour due to him.”

“What did you do?”

I glanced at him over my shoulder. “I made sure that Mantis was his tomb.”

He had shifted back a bit. “I had heard you were loyal to your squad.”

“Because they were loyal to me.” I looked back to the window. “This is the price of war. People will die. If you cannot accept that, you don’t belong in the military.”

He was quiet, but I didn’t look back. There was no point. He was just another military dog trying to be a war hero and had been burned in the process.

I had learned long ago, before I even joined the Alliance that no one would be there for you. Living on the streets had taught me to fend for myself, had prepared me for the life I continued to lead.

“I understand, Commander. It doesn’t mean I accept it. Thank you for your insight.”

I listened to the door open and close once more. I continued to look out the window, watching a little boy playing with a model ship on the garden rooftop of his building. I knew it was true, that many would die in the upcoming war, and that I couldn’t save everyone. I could only fight for their future, and hope that they somehow survived.

I opened up my omni-tool and dialed a familiar code.

“Hello?”

“Hey Kas. Up for talking for a bit?”


	13. Chapter 13

A week had gone by, and I hadn’t heard from him. It was unusual to not hear something for a few days. A week made me start to worry. I had tried contacting him as well, but there was no response. Either his comm link was offline, or it had been damaged. I tried to not think about it, but with no distractions other than working out on my own, all sorts of scenarios racked my brain.

It didn’t help that he had been summoned to see his primarch. So far as I knew, you weren’t summoned to see him on a whim. I wasn’t able to access anything besides my comm link, and that had been tapped into every time I tried to talk with someone.

I stared out my window, seeing the boy playing with his model spacecraft again. I held a datapad to my side, the only thing they’d allow me technology-wise. I looked away as I heard my doorway open, seeing James standing there, saluting.

“Commander.”

I suppressed a sigh. “You’re not supposed to call me that anymore, James.”

“Not supposed to salute you either.” He tilted his shoulder. “We gotta go. The defense committee wants to see you.”

“Sounds important.” I tossed the datapad to my desk as I followed James out the door.

 

Needless to say they should have listened to me the entire time. The lead on Mars helped tremendously as we left the warzone, letting us get information that Cerberus would have otherwise gotten. Kaidan ended up in critical condition, forcing us to return to the Citadel. I needed to go anyway to try to convince the Council to join together in this time, but of course they felt that they were better off preparing for when the Reapers struck their own people than to offer help to those already suffering. We did get help though from the turians, a lead that brought us to Palaven’s largest moon Menae in search of Primarch Fedorian.

When we arrived, we were not prepared for how much heavy fire the largest military in the galaxy was facing. I knew instantly why I hadn’t heard from Garrus in over a week. There was no way to tell if he was even still alive. Liara luckily filled James in for me, stating that we had a friend down there. We fought off the husks in our path, leading us to a turian outpost where we met up with General Corinthus.

Corinthus was able to fill us in on the details. Fedorian was dead. Communications at their outpost were down due to a damaged tower outside the barricades, and so they could not find out who the new primarch currently was, due to their high casualty rates. I offered our services to repair it, leading James and Liara back outside into a swarm of husks. I sent Liara into the tower to repair it.

I already felt numb, and the constant reminder of Palaven burning above our heads only made it worse. Even the Reaper fire was becoming a faded noise to my senses. I forwent my guns, instead using biotics and my fists to fight the husks off. I pulled one such husk over my shoulder that had leapt onto my back and slammed it to the ground, crushing its skull under my boot.

It was the best thing I could do to help me cope.

Liara managed to get the tower operational again, though we had to continue to fight off husks while Corinthus tapped in to the communications. All the while I kept putting my fists through skulls, using my newly found carnage skill to rip them apart, charging into hoards and using nova to send them flying off the cliffs. At the end, when we were summoned back, James and Liara both wisely said nothing.

“What have you got?” I asked as we approached Corinthus once more.

“As your partner said, succession is usually simple. But right now, the hierarchy is in chaos. So many dead or MIA.”

I let my anger get the best of me. “I need someone, I don’t care who. As long as they can get us the turian resources we need.”

Corinthus looked to the terminal in front of him, unable to give a solid answer.

“I’m on it, Shepard.”

I almost refused to believe it. In a sea of scales and differing family crests, one came up the ramp, sniper rifle in hand, that I knew right away.

“We’ll find you the Primarch,” he continued, standing beside Corinthus.

He was alive, at least, and his scars had healed well since I had seen him last. “Garrus!”

“Vakarian, sir,” Corinthus greeted him, gaining my attention. Just how high up the ranks had he climbed to being called “sir” by a general? “I didn’t see you arrive.”

“At ease, General.”

I didn’t know what to say as he holstered his rifle to his back. “You’re alive.” I stuck out my hand and tried to keep it professional, knowing how turians still viewed humans. I wasn’t sure how much Garrus had spoken of our… relationship. As he had done six months ago, he covered my hand.

“I’m hard to kill, you should know that.” He kept the shake brief, though that little bit of contact was all I needed to take a heavy weight off my shoulders.

“Good to see you again. I thought you’d be on Palaven.”

“If we lose this moon, we lose Palaven. I’m the closest damned thing we have as an expert on Reaper forces so I’m… advising.”

I nodded and turned to my crew. “James, this is Garrus Vakarian.” James came forward to shake his hand as well. “He helped me stop the Collectors. He’s a hell of a soldier.”

Garrus nodded as James stepped back. He knew who James was through our short conversations. “Lieutenant.” He nodded again to Liara. “Good to see you too, Liara.”

She smiled and came forward. “Good to see you in one piece, Garrus.” She knew of the… liaison, and was one of many who had approved.

Garrus turned back to me. “General Corinthus filled me in. We know who we’re after.”

Corinthus spoke up from his terminal. “Palaven Command tells me the next primarch is General Adrian Victus.”

“Victus?” Liara asked. “His name’s crossed my desk.”

That was a little troubling if he had gained enough attention that the Shadow Broker would know of him. “Know him, Garrus?”

He nodded. “I was fighting alongside him this morning. Lifelong military, gets results, popular with his troops. Not so popular with military command. Has a reputation for playing loose with accepted strategy.”

“Unconventional thinking may be the only way to save Palaven. And Earth.”

“He’ll do whatever it takes. Reminds me of an old human Spectre I once knew.”

I couldn’t stop my grin. “Okay. Let’s get him on the shuttle and get out of here.”

_“Commander! Shepard, come in!”_

“Can this wait, Joker? We’re in the middle of a warzone.” We stepped off the platform.

_“We’ve got a situation on the Normandy, Commander. It’s like she’s possessed. Shutting down systems, powering up weapons. I can’t find the source.”_

“I need the Normandy standing by. We may have to bug out.”

“Should I go back and take a look?” Liara offered.

“Do it.” She left immediately. “Garrus, you said you were with Victus this morning?”

“Yeah, but we got separated. He went to bolster a flank that was breaking. Could be anywhere out there.”

“We’re trying to raise him, Commander,” Corinthus said.

A metallic shriek filled the air.

“Incoming Harvester, heading for the air field!” James said. We watched as the winged beast flew overhead, coming in way too close. The guns all aimed for the metal creature, but it only flew off.

We had to do something, quickly. I turned to Corinthus. “General, tell Primarch Victus we’ll rendezvous here. In the meantime, let’s go take care of whatever that thing dropped off.” I looked to the other two. “You coming, Garrus?”

He reloaded his rifle. “Are you kidding? I’m right behind you.”

The rest of the mission on Menae went by as a flash. I felt more at ease, knowing he was alive. We were able to get Victus to agree to come with us, though I did snap at him. It was in my nature to do so to get someone to move who was being stubborn. It worked well with krogans, and equally well with militant turians. For once, I was able to give Hackett good news, though not so good knowing the asari were going to stand aside for now, knowing we were going to attempt to bring the krogans to join us in war.

There was only one place I wanted to visit, once I had heard everything I needed to know from Victus. Especially after the primarch told me Garrus had spoken highly of me. I wanted to know firsthand what he had said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm currently replaying ME3 and I'm actually going to restart the playthrough I'm currently doing since I made a few mistakes already. I'll try to keep the commentary to the choices my Shep makes when it comes to in-game speech.   
> So I guess Pop Your Heat Sink is officially going on through ME3. When it comes up to where "Citadel Afterparty" and "Shore Leave" comes up, I'll make a note to link to the stories. Comments are so appreciated and I love that you guys are liking my Shepard! Renegade does not get the love she deserves. Keep up the commentary, because it's always great to know how you guys are liking the progress. :D


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